The Problem: MY GIRLS ALWAYS SMELLS LIKE FISH EVEN IF SHE JUST GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER YYYYYYYYYYYY?
Asked by: ELMO at
02:25:47 PM, Wednesday, August 27, 2003 EDT
FLAG
Advice
it smells like that becuase its in the makeup of the female's natural chemicals, but if it is really strong, your gf may have a problem that she should go to a doctor for.
Just beat the crap outta her and maybe the smell will go away. Send her to a clinic or something.
JulianAug 28 2003 1:25amFLAGYes. I agree with Julian. Sometimes us females smell really bad and we like to get beaten up. It teaches us a lesson. Good luck with your smelly girlfriend.
SusanAug 28 2003 1:27amFLAGWhat is all this with beating up women. Is some one trying to make us think women actually like that. Probably some bloke that gets a rush from it. Well if it is you'd probably get more of a rush hitting a bloke because it is a more fair fight. It would feel more achieved. Most women dont like it. I belive your woman should be treated with respect, if you are with her she must be doing something right for you to carry on seeing her so pay her back for it, like treating her or something she likes. LMAO at the thought that you just said beat her untill the smell goes away.
As for the smelling problem, It is kinda nateral but If it is really that strong im sure there is something you could do like seeing a doctor. I dont know what will happen then. My last girl friend didnt really smell much down there. I just used to put up with the little (nateral) smell cos she loved it.
Matthew WilkesAug 28 2003 4:04pmFLAGBeat her up. Get Slamming Sammy to hit her in the face with a baseball bat, Homo Romo to tackle her and slam her into a wall, Mike Tyson to throw some punches at her and then splouge on her face and punch her in the face breaking her nose. After that drop her off the fifth story of a building on to a street where she will get run over breaking most of her bones, then take a and piss on her. I did something simular to my last girl.
John HarrisonSep 06 2003 10:02amFLAGIf John Harrison thinks any of us believe his pathetic liar ass then he's stupider than most of us thought. Not anyone else's fault no girls want anything to do with him.
As far as why girls smell down there it is normal. There are a ton of feminine hygiene products she can use that will take care of it.
nice smelling girlSep 13 2003 12:34pmFLAG
if it smell so bad then dont go down on ur u dumb ass
AnonymousSep 17 2003 9:02pmFLAGanybody who wants to BEAT any one just to get a rush should die and john harrison come and see if you can beat me ill kick your ass whole, and about your problem it sounds like she has a problem send her to a doctor or ginacoligist
strange manSep 19 2003 7:16amFLAGwhat the hell is all this talk about beating her up r u guys in crazy! whats that gonna do! ur girl must have an infection maybe u should confront her about it!
stephySep 20 2003 8:28amFLAGHGuys no beating up chicks! She either has an infection, maybe yeast, or she just needs a stronger deoderant soap. She's probably a nice girl. Just take a sexxy shower together before having sex and wash her body. Tell her you like that way the soap feels on her body. Be tactful boys, Love the ladies!
Cristina
AnonymousSep 20 2003 11:48amFLAGyea man ur bitch does stink that last night
BrendonSep 20 2003 2:34pmFLAGthis sight is gay i wrote shyt and it said poo
AnonymousSep 20 2003 6:14pmFLAGewww if she still smells like fish even when she just got out of the shower that means that she doesnt even clean it!!! ewwww thats disgusting
AnonymousSep 23 2003 8:43pmFLAGIf it still smells after a shower, then she is not cleaning the folds of skin. The labia majora needs to be spread open and washed. Perhaps she has too much hair and isn't washing well enough. She should take a bath and soak. She might have a health problem and approaching her about this needs to be done delicately. It might not be her fault.
yo mammaSep 24 2003 2:19pmFLAGokay you are all gross. Your girlfriend is probaly a whore, maybe you should get a girlfriend that is more um say "Clean". Maybe someone that doesn't have dieases people shouldn't smell bad, you people disgust me. You and your whoring ways, YOU ARE ALL SLUTS HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELVES.
strange manSep 27 2003 7:14amFLAGyou are all nucken futts OTHER WAY AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOT CHIQOct 01 2003 3:01pmFLAGINTRODUCE HER TO SUMMERS EVE
OR SOAP!!!!!!!!!!!!
DUSTIN STILLOct 01 2003 3:03pmFLAG
MY BOY FRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME FOR NO REASON HE WAS THE ONLY ONE I EVER LOVED AND I WANT HIM BACK
HIS NAME IS DUSTIN STILL AND I LOVE HIM
LAUREN SPEERSOct 01 2003 3:08pmFLAGwhat the hell does that have to do with this
strange manOct 02 2003 2:20pmFLAGshut upp bitch you suck
ass whole
LAUREN SPEERSOct 02 2003 2:39pmFLAGif i am im not the one who is so pathic that they have to complain about getting dumped dumb ass i can see why he dumped you go cry cuz i dont care
strange manOct 02 2003 4:50pmFLAGyou are a big mother er
lauren speersOct 03 2003 3:05pmFLAGyou know strange man i think you have serious mentle problems
lauren speersOct 03 2003 3:07pmFLAGi bet you havent had any one to love you have you ? i know you havent because of you sory attitude "strange man"
meOct 03 2003 3:09pmFLAGif your so big and bad why dont you write back loser
lauren speersOct 03 2003 3:11pmFLAGby the way i got him back yrsterday . he asked me back out
lauren speersOct 03 2003 3:13pmFLAGwhat kind of a name is strange man?
pimpOct 03 2003 3:14pmFLAGits like that cause im hypicriticol sometimes and lauren i did not right back cuz im not a computer addicted freak like you and me go your self
strange manOct 03 2003 3:44pmFLAGim sory strange man can we be friends
i was joking
lauren speersOct 03 2003 5:06pmFLAGok yeah i no she is ubsessedd with samurai jack i evn went on this forum to help her say that samurai jack is beter than that gay lesbo on rorunio kesnhin or whatever thats called
yo mammaOct 03 2003 5:16pmFLAGshut up yo mamma go your self ok go away bitch
strange manOct 03 2003 5:17pmFLAGwell i dunno.. but that girl tina, she sux c*ck big time.. she's a ing d*ck sucker. im serious, i aint lying folks, im dead serious! she's given me head! thats how i know, and some friends too
AnonymousOct 03 2003 8:22pmFLAGyeah i know im 1 of them. thanks for telling me this site existed fool, so we could tell evryone wat that whore tina is like!
bryanOct 03 2003 8:32pmFLAGi am sure ass hole go your self
strange manOct 04 2003 6:25amFLAGyou're one of what bryan? the d*cksuckers that anonymous or lauren or whoever was talking about? get a life you pole smoker.
Bob the builderOct 04 2003 11:32amFLAG I DONT SUCK d*ck AND I DONT GIVE HEAD. ITS DISGUSTING. NOW SHUT THE HELL UP ALL OF YOU.
YOUR MAKING ME GO INSANE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TiNa ThE EviL MiNiOnOct 04 2003 1:44pmFLAGand starnge man do u have a problem that im obbsessed with something? cause if u do then leave me alone and go away. AND YOUR ALL A BUNCH OF ING LIERS. I WOULDNT TOUCH YOUR DAMN d*ck EVEN FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.
TiNa The EvIl MinIonOct 04 2003 1:46pmFLAGi told them to go them selves not you
strange manOct 04 2003 2:15pmFLAGmy fingers smell like salmon after i finger my g/f, p.s., im only (nice site)
strange manOct 11 2003 7:07amFLAGsew it shut and make her blow ya
g floreOct 13 2003 11:04amFLAGHEY HEY HEY THIS SITE HAS LOST IT'S TUNA FISH FLAVOR. IT WAS CREATED TO TALK ABOUT THE SMELLY . anyway, i know this girl Stef and godDamn the bitch smelt like a hot garbage on a summer day. I think its just up the girl, not to sound concided or a pimp but I have had sex with many other girls and never came across with a smelly puss as bad as hers. WOWWSERS she should die.
BrandaleOct 21 2003 5:58pmFLAGhaha this is a fu sukmydiaOct 22 2003 4:44pmFLAGTHAT ME GUY AND STRANGE MAN MUST BE ING GAY OR SOMTHING HAH, THEY PROBLY DO IT DOGGIE STYLE!
UOct 26 2003 4:13pmFLAGYo simply if she smells like fish this either means she is s.
AnonymousNov 02 2003 5:30pmFLAGThe answer to this can be found at www.thealter.org
DubNov 03 2003 4:24pmFLAGTamachron go to hell u racist mothera. I agree with the people who says stronger soap and go to the clinic
yadontneed2knowNov 08 2003 2:46pmFLAGya kill the racist
strange manNov 08 2003 4:44pmFLAGShe probably masturbates too much
random personNov 09 2003 7:02pmFLAGI like Jam on my and then munching it up.
some nigNov 11 2003 1:44pmFLAGi lick alot af i get paid for it and im only i lick it very much i had sex when i was 9 i enjoyed it alot
male prostituteNov 12 2003 12:16pmFLAGraz got a baby on the way and it,s a boy and hes name is de mario kekey simmons and that is my men and yoll hoes don't hate on me please and did i say raz 2 and that is my baby daddy 4 evermuch love
razzb baby mommyNov 14 2003 5:28pmFLAGits good that she smells like a fish. sometimes we get pleasure from dirty thigs also. Enjoy the smell.
Alex JonesNov 14 2003 10:12pmFLAGif your girl smells use a dushbag
deeNov 15 2003 5:48pmFLAGmy gf is scared she smells and i tell her she doesent but now i dont know what else to do?
concerned boyfriendNov 15 2003 11:19pmFLAGwhy dont you smell her panties?
alex jonesNov 17 2003 3:06pmFLAGdude i dont smell her panties ok u sick f**k i know cause i have a pretty sexual life with her now does any 1 have any advice useful
concerned boyfriendNov 18 2003 11:33pmFLAGHEHE I am laughing my ass off reading these posts! I once had a friend tell me "If it smells like fis a tasty dish, but if it smells like calogne leave it alone!!!".
RandyNov 19 2003 5:33amFLAGHEHE I am laughing my ass off reading these posts! I once had a friend tell me "If it smells like fis a tasty dish, but if it smells like calogne leave it alone!!!".
RandyNov 19 2003 5:35amFLAGdoes an unwashed smell like rotten fish???
curiousNov 19 2003 10:11pmFLAGstrange man you cant beat nobody's ass you wannabe asian.ASIAN HATER
AznGangstaNov 22 2003 11:55pmFLAGi dont hate asians and if im a wannabe asian how can i hate them
Sieg DeBlancNov 23 2003 8:54amFLAGhey my wife smells bad too
cheersNov 23 2003 3:22pmFLAGif it stinks look and if it is yellow and puss like then put a stick of mint gum in her vagina
mister poopNov 23 2003 7:48pmFLAGlol you guys are retarded
strange manNov 30 2003 1:32pmFLAGI find that women are somewhat like home cooking. The truth is that although everyone is familiar with their mom's home cooking(unless you never had a mother or she's dead or some sh"i"t else) we often find that some of mother's food smells like . That's not to say it doesn't taste good; it might and it might not. Who knows. The point is this: if her vagina smells bad but tastes good then eat until your heart is content disregarding the pungent scent, yet if you find yourself unable to bear the pain of a particularly revolting odor then push that dish to side and move on to the next one.
The BunnyDec 12 2003 3:04pmFLAGI find that women are somewhat like home cooking. The truth is that although everyone is familiar with their mom's home cooking(unless you never had a mother or she's dead or some sh"i"t else) we often find that some of mother's food smells like . That's not to say it doesn't taste good; it might and it might not. Who knows. The point is this: if her vagina smells bad but tastes good then eat until your heart is content disregarding the pungent scent, yet if you find yourself unable to bear the pain of a particularly revolting odor then push that dish to side and move on to the next one.
The BunnyDec 12 2003 3:14pmFLAGI AM A LESBIAN THAT HAS NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM W/ ANY OF MY GIRLS. I USED TO BE BI, BUT A MAN'S BALLS SMELL SO BAD, AND GUYS THAT HAVE UNCUT C*ckS ACTUALLY SMELL LIKE FISH, SO I WONDER WHAT MOST OF U GUYS SMELL LIKE. MEN'S ASSES STINK TOO AND ARE ALL HAIRY...YUCK. MEN ARE GROSS TO HAVE AROUND. ALL OF YOU ARE NO GOOD, STUPID WASTES OF SPACE THAT THINK WITH YER PRICKS. IF I HAD MY WAY, YER SCUMMY ASSES WOULD NOT EXIST ON THIS PLANET. I FEEL VERY, VERY SORRY FOR STR8 WOMEN.
BITCH GODDESSDec 15 2003 7:51pmFLAGaight yeah i have a guestion its kinda gros, but what does it mean if ur mans penis sometimes smell like fish, is it cus of the pre cum?? and also he is not circumsised ( cant spell that).
yeah this is talking about stinky vagina not d*cks but sorry i had to askk
dirtydancerDec 16 2003 9:38pmFLAGor could it mean hes doing some one else?? help pls
DIRTYDANCERDec 16 2003 9:39pmFLAGMaybe we should all shut the heck up and leave things like this alone and use all our energy to worship our creator. Good luck and God bless.
pinkangel777777Dec 17 2003 11:24pmFLAGlmfao you guys all like bum sex
asfdDec 19 2003 1:11amFLAGSome women's body chemistries just tend to make their stink. It has to do with hormones, monthly cycle, and genetics. If the smell is really bad, like if you finger her and you can't get the stink off of your finger after five washings, it's probably a yeast or giarderella infection. There is prescription medication for this but you have to first get the smelly c*nt to admit there's a problem, and then convince the skank to go to the doctor. It has always apalled me that they don't realize how intense the concentrated venom of their own stink really is!
The Great BrianDec 24 2003 6:35pmFLAGwell give her a tongue clean-up!who know,maybe the need cunnilings?
everyone here's a F.AG!Dec 26 2003 2:38pmFLAGYOU'RE A -ASS F.AG! FUC|{ YOU B.ITCH!
YOUDec 26 2003 2:40pmFLAGYOU'RE A -ASS F.AG! FUC|{ YOU B.ITCH!
YOU'RE A -ASS F.AG! FUC|{ YOU B.ITCH!
YOU'RE A -ASS F.AG! FUC|{ YOU B.ITCH!
YOU'RE A -ASS F.AG! FUC|{ YOU B.ITCH!
YOU'RE A -ASS F.AG! FUC|{ YOU B.ITCH!
YOU'RE A -ASS F.AG! FUC|{ YOU B.ITCH!
YOU'RE A -ASS F.AG! FUC|{ YOU B.ITCH!
YOU'RE A
FU!!Dec 26 2003 2:45pmFLAGWow.... Are you all high school/ junior high kids? I am assuming so, based on the content of your posts. What hole in the wall do you people attend where they teach you this awful spelling and dreadful grammar? You all have the writing IQ of 2nd graders. Good Lord, I hope none of you ever expect to do anything with your lives. You're so far behind by now that it's hopeless. Welcome to brokeville.
smarter than youDec 28 2003 10:18amFLAGWow.... Are you all high school/ junior high kids? I am assuming so, based on the content of your posts. What hole in the wall do you people attend where they teach you this awful spelling and dreadful grammar? You all have the writing IQ of 2nd graders. Good Lord, I hope none of you ever expect to do anything with your lives. You're so far behind by now that it's hopeless. Welcome to brokeville.
smarter than youDec 28 2003 10:39amFLAGMaybe it's really your momma you dumb ass
Mister JigglesDec 29 2003 1:46pmFLAGJiggle you boobie
khjkDec 30 2003 6:48pmFLAGi think some people have mental problems answering nonsense that has nothing to do with the question but i dont have problem with the smell of the instead it turns me on so for the mental retards they die laughing seriously.
jokesyourassesJan 04 2004 2:29pmFLAGppl wit smelly puss ever herd of a dush???daamn
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooJan 05 2004 6:22pmFLAGWhat the is is thread about? first lauren and SM fight, then they ask eachother 20 mofo questions... whatever, you SOB's need a f'king life... now to the guy with the smelly girl... most of the time a female smell is really coming from the pubic hair, if she has any, ask her to shave, it makes a big difference, or trim it atleast... if the smell is coming FROM INSIDe, then she must have an infection, have her check it out... summers eve is really good for that as well... if it turns out to be the pubic hair, all the smell is, is swet with urine... some girls just tend to rub their c*nt with water and a bit of soap, no, they need to clean it 2 or 3 times if they want it to smell good... taking a shower in the morning and one at night helps a lot too... tell her to use moist wipes after each time she pees... good luck...
concerned boyfriendJan 10 2004 5:26pmFLAGAll of you can't spell. Bad c*nt smell is caused by Gardnerella bacteria or an imbalance in the natural flora present in the vaginal environment. It can be caused by antibiotics that kill the "guardian" bacteria in the vagina and allow undesirable strains if candida albicans to flourish. All should have a mild womanly smell that is designed to turn us on, but if it gets real strong and fishy there is a problem. I am not a doctor, just a smart guy who can spell.
BernardoJan 14 2004 8:40pmFLAGyou guys are all hella dumb!!!!!!
the greatJan 15 2004 10:26amFLAGLets get back to the beatings
beatoffalotJan 16 2004 7:25pmFLAGshe need my inch blk c*ck
hugeblkmeatJan 18 2004 11:59amFLAGYou Guys are all weird.. It went from a chicks to a soap opra to some chick needing his in black d*ck
me ok get it?Jan 21 2004 3:29pmFLAGIf a Smelt like Cheese I would like to lick it alot.. Not fish.. thats disturbing
me ok get it?Jan 21 2004 6:56pmFLAGdoes taste like it smells and what does womens cum taste like
joshuaJan 31 2004 12:17pmFLAGI think that was a stupid question for me to ask. I am very new to this eating tastes like and what sperm tastes like as well
joshuaJan 31 2004 12:28pmFLAGcome on you falkers,real men love there gotta get the d*ck wet right?
The MDFeb 03 2004 10:18pmFLAGI am outraged that cannot be said
The MDFeb 03 2004 10:20pmFLAGI am outraged that cannot be said
The MDFeb 03 2004 10:23pmFLAGWhat do i do when my girlfriend give me a bl*wj*b and wants her eaten out too, but it's so bad that the smell doesn't come off after like 10 hand-washes?
yoFeb 04 2004 3:46pmFLAGi want a man to take a huge dump on my so i can finaly get that fish smell off its the only way to do it and i need a man to do the job!
Desperate WomanFeb 07 2004 10:14pmFLAGi want a man to take a huge dump on my so i can finaly get that fish smell off its the only way to do it and i need a man to do the job!
Desperate WomanFeb 07 2004 10:15pmFLAGhey boys if your sick of your girls that smells like an animal died in it 8 years ago then come down to your local mensroom and suck some big tender c*ck and drink creamy delicious salty cum.c*ck is odorless and tasteless and if you guys wonder why women get so much more pleasure from oral sex than men its because c*ck sucking is the only way to enjoy oral sex.so any of you guys who want to try c*ck i guarantee once you boys straight or gay suck on a big hard c*ck you will be addicted and you will never go near a c*nt with your face again.so get down to your local public mensroom who knows i might be in the next stall...so line up boys "n" gimme yer goo
CHR 05Feb 08 2004 2:27pmFLAGdude..jus because it smells doesnt mean nething bad*i mean common admit it CANT smell like perfume or flowers unless u spray perfume on and if u dO spray it on ur in conceted!
AnonymousFeb 10 2004 12:17pmFLAGIf a girl got stanky ing her nasty ass
F.....U.....C....KFeb 13 2005 8:27pmFLAGMaybe she has a yeast infection YUCK tell her to go to a Doctor Dirty Dirty Bitch.
And if you must her tell her to bath with Detol Soap it will disinfect all the germs & at least wont stink us bad LOL.
Also try incense in your room but for christ sake dont suck her .
Master.Feb 22 2005 11:07amFLAGHaving said that Ive heard Women say that c*cks stink too LOL. Ive never had this problem but then I shower three times a day.
Christ I cant believe this Dirty Bitch she needs a slap.
MasterFeb 22 2005 11:10amFLAGFemale Genital Jokes
What's worse than a magician pulling a rabbit out of your hat?
Having him pull a hare from your snatch.
how can you tell if a woman has been screwing an elephant?
when she sits on a barstool, she falls to the floor.
Why don't guys from Minnesota like girls from same going out
with guys from Wisconsin?
Have you ever seen a gopher hole when a badger gets through with it?
Whats worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?
Being fingered by Captain Hook.
Why do female paratroopers wear jockstraps?
So they don't whistle on the way down.
Why do women have two holes so close together?
In case you miss
How do you tell if a woman is wearing underwear?
Look for dandruff on her shoes
Why did God give women legs?
Well, think of the mess a snail makes!
Panties aren't the best things on earth,
but they are next to it.
How can you tell if your girl is really ?
You slip your hands into her panties, and it feels like a
eating oats.
What did the woman say after undergoing a C Section?
Nothing. She just sat there with a long puss.
What instrument is used most often during birth?
A Beaver Cleaver.
A man's wife is his better half, but his mistress is
his better hole.
Know why men are so smart and women talk too much?
'Cause men have two heads, whereas women have two sets of lips.
How can you tell if a ballerina isn't wearing panties?
When she does a split and sticks to the floor.
The hostess on a certain airline approaches a seated customer
and says, "Would you like some of our TWA coffee, sir?"
"No thank you, but I would like some of your TWA tea"
Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
Because when the dragged them by the feet, they filled up with dirt.
How can you tell if it's way past time for a girl to douche?
You spot her odor-eaters crawling up her leg.
What is the difference between an Essex girl and a Kit-Kat
"You only get four fingers in a Kit-Kat.
What is the similarity between a woman and a Kentucky Fried Chicken?
By the time you've finished with breast and thighs, all you have is
a greasy box to put your bone in.
Why is a like a warm toilet seat?
They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.
What's the difference between a cl*toris and a Pub?
9 out of 10 men can find a pub.
How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid?
When you open her legs the lights go on
What's the difference between a cl*toris and a remote control?
A guy will keep looking for the remote control until he finds it.
What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
Both can smell it but can't eat it
Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?
How much hair is in a girl's lap?
A box full.
Why do women have two sets of lips?
So they can piss and moan.
What's the difference between a geneaologist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, and a gynecologist looks
up the family bush.
Why do women have 2 sets of lips?
One to argue with and one to apologize with.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy twat.
Man sidles up to a woman at a party. "I'd like a little ,"
he confides.
"So would I," says the woman, "mine's big as a bucket!"
What do ya get when you breed a cat with a rabbit?
A hare.
What colour is a bee?
Black and Yellow.
How many wings does a bird have?
Two.
How many teeth does a cat have?
I don't know.
That's you're problem: You know a lot about the birds and the bees,
but you don't know anything about ...
How will you know when you need to replace your woman?
Put a finger in each hole, if you can snap your fingers,
you need to replace her!
If women are made of sugar and spice...
Why do they smell like fish?
A woman asked her husband to go to the video store and get Scent of a
Woman. Her husband came back with a Fish Called Wanda.
What's the difference between a golf ball and a cl*toris?
A man will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball!
What did the blind man say when he entered the fish store?
Hello ladies!!
How is your grandmother's c*nt like Freddy Kruger?
Either one is enough to scare the out of you.
How can you spot the woman who douched with vinegar?
She's the one with the sour puss.
What's the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
Inserting the anchovies.
Define: Vagina.
It's the box a penis comes in.
What did Adam say when he woke up next to Eve?
"Somethings fishy."
What's worse than a crippled skunk on your piano?
Having a diseased beaver on your organ.
What's hairy and conquered Asia?
Genghis C*nt.
How can you tell if a woman has a huge twat?
Her gynecologist has a United Mine Workers sticker on his office door.
What is red and has seven dents?
Snow White's cherry.
Why do women have two holes so close to each other?
So that yu can carry them home like a six pack when they get drunk.
What do airplanes and women have in common?
C*ckpits!
What is the difference between a ship and a woman?
A ship cuts thru the water, a woman waters thru her cut.
What's the difference between a girl in a bathtub and a girl in a church?
A girl in a church has her soul full of hope, a girl in a bathtub
has her hole full of soap.
What's pink and hairy and sits on a wall?
Humpty C*nt
Why did they stop letting women swim in the ocean?
Because they couldn't get the smell out of the fish!
Why can't Mary Kay walk very fast?
Her lipstick.
Why do skinny girls tease their hair?
So their pants don't slide off.
Labia majora, n: The curly gates.
The man who said "A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush"
has been putting his bird into the *wrong* bushes.
Why is a joke like a ?
Neither is any fun if you don't get it.
How is like a road?
Both have manholes
There's this company that makes a shampoo called
"Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific."
I hope they don't start making feminine hygiene products.
A man in bed with his wife, reading a book. Every so often
he reaches over and diddles her cl*t.
"I've got a headache, I'm not interested. Quit trying
to arouse me!"
"Arouse you? Hell, I'm just wetting my finger so I can turn
the pages."
A young man of upper class took a walk in Soho on a very windy
day. As he passed a young woman, the wind caught her skirt and
lifted it above her head.
The young man: Oh, it's airy, isn't it?
The young woman: Yeah, what the hell did you expect? Feathers?
A drunk was sitting at a bar when a woman stands behind him and
raises her arm really high to get the bartender's attention. She
has very hairy armpits.
The drunk sees this and yells at the bartender, "Get the ballerina
a drink."
She gets her drink and goes away.
Later she returns and raises her arm again. The drunk sees her and
yells to the bartender, "Get the ballerina another drink."
She gets her drink and goes away again.
The bartender asks the drunk how he knows she is a ballerina when
she was a stranger and had never been in the bar before.
The drunk replies, "She's got to be a ballerina if she can lift her
leg that high."
A manufacturer of nylon stockings tried to boost the sales by
offering to print any text up on the stockings lining.
A girl asked, "Can I have the text 'If you can read this you
are too close'?"
Salesman replis, "Sure which font and which size?"
The girl purrs, "In Braille!"
Doris & Fred had started their retirement years and decided to
raise some extra cash by advertising for a boarder in their 2 up
2 down terrace house.
After a few days a young attractive woman applies for the room
and explains that she is a model working in a nearby Manchester
studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room for Mondays
to Thursdays but would pay for the whole week. Doris shows her the
house and they agree to start straight away.
"There's just one problem," explains the model, "because of my job
I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath?"
"That's not a problem," replies Doris, "we have a tin bath out in
the yard and we bring it in to the living room, in front of the fire,
and fill it with hot water."
"What about your husband?" asks the model.
"Oh he go bowling most weekdays - so he will be out in the
evenings," replies Doris.
"Good" says the model. "That being settled, I'll go to the studio
and see you tonight."
That evening Fred dutifully goes bowling whilst Doris prepares the
bath for the model. After stripping off the model steps into the bath
and Doris is amazed to see that she has no pubic hair. The model
notices Doris's staring eyes, smiles and explains that it is part of
her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimwear or
lingerie. Later when Fred returns Doris relates this oddity and he
does not believe her.
"It's true I tell you," says Doris, "look, if you don't believe me,
tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek
in and see for yourself."
The next night Fred leaves as usual and Doris prepares the bath for
the model. As the model steps ***** into the bath - Doris, standing
behind her, looks towards the curtains, and points towards the model.
Then she lifts up her skirt and wearing no panties, points to her own
pubic hair.
Later Fed returns and they retire to bed. "Well do you believe me
now?" she asks Fred.
"Yes," he replies. "I've never seen anything like it in my life.
But why did you lift up your skirt and show yours?"
"Just to show you the difference," answers Doris, "but anyway you've
seen mine millions of times!"
"Yes," says Fred, "I have... but the rest of my bowling team hadn't!"
Back in the `70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh
Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one
point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, "Did you ever hear
this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns
to her friend, and says, `Oh, great. Now I`ll have to spend the
whole weekend with my legs in the air.`
`Why?` says her friend. `Don`t you have a vase?`"
They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish.
Inside, women are reclining on couches, ***** as jaybirds, with
flowers protruding from their vaginas. Hefner and his friend have
another laugh and are flirting with the girls when suddenly, from
the next room, there is a bloodcurdling shriek!
"What was that?" starts Hefner`s friend.
"Oh, probably just the umbrella stand..."
A man was out walking through the jungle, when
he happened to meet Tarzan.
The traveler said, "What is your name?"
Tarzan responded, "Me Tarzan, Her Jane."
The traveler said, "No, what's your whole name?"
Tarzan said, "Me Tarzan, Lord Of Jungle."
The traveler asked, "What is Jane's hole name?"
Tarzan thought for a minute and said, "Jane's
hole name--!"
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter,
who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring
me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order
from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and
picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands
it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep
breath.
"Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just
happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly
brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great,
I take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli.
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man
is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the
blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and
leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's
him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I
take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind
man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have
the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and
says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"
Top 10 Things Men Would Do If They Woke Up and Had a Vagina For a Day
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...
BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more
without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it
recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
A girl at school who gets around quiet a lot, has a rumor about
her going around that she has a big well worked sexual tool. One
day she finds out about this rumor, and really gets her thinking.
So that afternoon when she got home from school she decided to go
into the bathroom and see if the rumor was true. She takes the
mirror off the wall, places it on the floor and stands over it
*****, trying to see exactly how big her female orifice has gotten.
While she's doing this her father walks in seeing her all *****
and says "What are you doing?!".
"I'm just doing my exercises" the girls says back, while
attempting to do some stretches.
The father, content with this goes to shut the door and then says,
"Well, be careful you don't fall in that big hole in the floor!".
A couple is driving through the back roads in the mountains.
It is winter, it is cold, and it is snowing. Suddenly, a skunk
runs out across the road in front of the car. The husband swerves
the car, bouncing the skunk off of one of the tires. The skunk
skids off the road into the bushes.
The wife goes crazy - "Honey! Honey! You hit the little skunk!
Honey! You gotta stop and see if he's okay!"
The husband, none too happy, but quite familiar with the
consequences of NOT doing what the wife asks, pulls over to the
side of the road, and gets out to go check on the little skunk.
He finds the skunk in the bushes, stunned but none the worse
for wear.
He tells his wife, "He's just stunned, he'll be fine in a little
while."
The wife, getting a bit huffy at this point, whines, "Honeeeey,
it's soooo coooold out there, he'll freeze!"
The husband, "So whadda you want me to do about it?"
The wife whines more demandingly, "Honeeeeyyy! Pick him up and we
can take him to the vet in the next town!"
So, the husband goes and picks up the skunk, brings it over, and
lays it in his wife's lap. He gets in the car and starts driving.
After a few minutes, the husband notices that the skunk is laying
there shivvering from the cold, and tells his wife, "Honey, if you
don't keep him warm, that little guy is gonna freeze before we get
to the next town!"
The wife, noticing it, asks, "What do you want me to do?"
The husband says, "Well, pull your skirt up and put the skunk
between your legs, and pull your dress up around him like a little
blanket. That will keep him a lot warmer."
Shocked at sucha suggestion, the wife snaps back, "Dammit honey,
that thing STINKS!"
The husband turns and says, "That's all right, just reach down
and hold his little nose then..."
A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home
with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they
got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized
for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing.
The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. "Your organ,"
she replied. "It's a bit on the small side."
Hurt, he replied: "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."
The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone
about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot
and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could
blindfold him and he would recognise any animal's skin from its
feel, and if he could locate the bullethole he would even tell
them what calibre rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too
much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument was going
on. Then the hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they
would put up the drinks, and the bet was on.
They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal
skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok."
Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And shot with a
.22 rifle."
The others could not believe it (he was right of course) and the
argument was even hotter than before. When some started to suggest
that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again.
He would put up all the drinks they had bought before against them
buying another round for him. So they blindfolded him again, very
thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened
to have in the boot of his car.
He took a bit longer this time and then said. "Kalahari Lion" and
fingering the bullet hole, said "and the rifle was a .308" and he was
right again. This of course was like throwing fat on the fire, and
he had to prove his skills, over and over again, everytime against a
round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to
sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he
had one hell of a shiner.
So he said to his wife, "Listen I know I was drunk last night, but
not too drunk to know that I did not fight anyone in that bar. So
where did I get this black eye?"
And his wife replied angrily. "From me, of course."
"But what did I do?" he asked.
She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand down inside my
panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced in a loud
triumphant tone, "Skunk, killed with an axe!"
I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist
when early one morning. I received a call from his office that I had
been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m.
I had only just packed everyone off to work and school and it was
around 8:45 already. The trip to his office usually took about
thirty-five minutes so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do I'm sure, I like to take a little extra effort
over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going
to be able to make the full effort.
So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth
and gave myself a wash in "that area" in front of the sink, taking
extra care to make sure that I was presentable. I threw the washcloth
in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and
raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you all do, I hopped up on the
table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended I was
in Hawaii or some other place a million miles away from here.
I was a little surprised when he said, "My. We have taken a little
extra effort this morning haven't we?", but I didn't respond.
The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest of the day went as normal, some shopping, cleaning, the
evening meal etc.
At 8:30 that evening my 18 year old daughter was fixing to go to a
school dance, when she called down from the bathroom, "Mum - where's
my washcloth?"
I called back for her to get another from the cabinet.
She called back, "No - I need the one that was here by the sink.
It had all my glitter and sparkles in it".
Pierre, Marie, and their six ren lived in a log cabin on the
edge of a lake in northern Quebec. One day, Pierre decided he had had
enough and set out across the lake in his canoe.
Seeing this, Marie yelled out to him, "Pierre, what are you doing?"
Pierre replied "Woman, I'm leaving you!"
Marie hollered "But Pierre, what about our marriage?"
Pierre replied "To hell with the marriage. Woman, I'm leaving you!"
He kept paddling across the lake.
Marie hollered "But Pierre, what about our beautiful cabin?"
Pierre replied "To hell with the cabin. Woman, I'm leaving you!"
He kept paddling across the lake.
Marie hollered "But Pierre, what about our beautiful ren?"
Pierre replied "To hell with the ren. Woman, I'm leaving you!"
He kept paddling across the lake.
Then Marie hikes up her skirt and hollers, "But Pierre, what
about this?"
As Pierre slowly turns the canoe around he mumbles, "Someday I'm
going to leave that damn woman."
Two middle-aged women, Gladys and Mable, are chatting.
"Mable, do you think as you get older your fanny actually gets looser?"
"Ooh I don't know." replied Mable. "I had sex with my Henry last
night and, to be honest, I felt like the outside of a sausage roll!"
Gladys looked unconvinced.
"Have you tried looking at it?" asked Mable.
"Look at it? I don't know, I mean I'm putting the beef on at my
age." said Gladys patting her middle-aged pot-belly.
"Here's what you do," confided Mable. "Take a mirror from off of
the wall and lay it on the floor, then stand astride it and you'll
get a good look at your twat."
"Hey, that's a good idea!" said Gladys, and trotted off home to try
it out.
At home, Gladys is standing in the bathroom, mirror on floor and
legs akimbo, peering at her twat in the mirror's reflection. Her
husband is walking past the doorway when he spots what's going on.
He charges into the bathroom and shoves Gladys hard against the wall.
"Ooh George! You ing bastard!! You could have broke my bloody
arm then!!" she whined.
"You ungrateful cow!" George retorted. "If you'd have fallen down
that hole you'd have broken your ing back!!"
A guy wakes up one morning, and goes downstairs. He says to his
wife, "I feel really great today"
His wife replies "Yeah, you look great. But you smell awful."
Worried, the man takes a shower. At work, he remembers what his
wife said earlier, and asks one of his workmates...
"I feel great today, but my missus says I smell bad"
"Well, tell you the truth, mate... you do smell. But you look great."
By now, he's getting a bit more worried so calls into his doctor's
surgery that evening, and recites his problem, "Well, doctor, I feel
great, people say I look great. But they also say I smell."
The doctor thinks, gets out his medical dictionary, looks a few
things up, and eventually turns to the man.
"I know what you're problem is. You feel great, you look great.
But you stink. You're a c*nt."
Seven wise men with knowlegde so fine, created a to design.
First was a butcher smart with wit, by using a knife he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpender strong and bold, by using a hammer and chisel
he gave it a hole.
Third was a talior tall and thin, by using a piece of red velvet he
lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter short and stout, by us a piece of fox fur he
lined it without.
Fifth was a was a fisherman nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave
it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee, touched it and blessed it
and said it could pee.
Last came a sailor dirty little runt, he sucked it and ed it
and called it c*nt.
Recently a tour bus full of senior citizens was travelling along
an interstate. Suddenly, an elderly woman in the back screamed and
jumped out of her seat. The driver pulled over and headed toward
the back of the bus. When the driver got to the woman, he asked
what was wrong.
The woman replied "There's a man trying to molest me!"
The driver asked the other passengers, but no one had seen
anything. The driver turned to the woman and said, "You must have
scared off the man when you screamed."
The woman agreed and returned to her seat. The bus driver resumed
driving, but a few miles down the road the same woman, again,
screamed and jumped out of her seat. Once again, the driver pulled
over and headed to the back of the bus.
"What's wrong now?" asked the driver.
The woman replied, "That man trying to molest me, he's under my
seat!"
The driver looked under the seat, and sure enough there was an
old bald guy.
The driver said to the man, "Sir, this woman claims that you
were trying to molest her."
The man replies, "No, no, no! I'm just looking for my toupee.
I thought I had it twice but it got away both times!"
Two worms live together on a golf course.
The first worm says, "What kind of day is it?"
The other worm says, "You know, I don't know, but I was thinking
of going up and checking it out."
The first worm says, "That's a good idea. Why don't you do that."
So the second worm starts on his way up through the dirt. At the
same time, two lady golfers are walking along the fairway.
The first one says, "Jeez, I gotta wiz."
Her friend says, "Well, it's very early. There's nobody else here
on the course. Do it right here. Nobody will know."
The first lady says, "You think so? Right here?"
Her friend says, "Yeah."
And she agrees to do it. She pulls down her skivvies, and lifts up
her little golf dress and she squats. She's just about to commence
when the worm pokes his head up out of the grass right below her.
She lets fly, and forget it, he gets drenched.
He's dripping wet as he goes back down through the dirt. He goes
up to the first worm, and he's soaking wet.
The first worm looks at him and says, "Oh, it's raining, huh?"
The second worm says, "Not only is it raining, but it's raining so
hard the damm birds are building their nests upside-down!"
A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because
her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the
operation a secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to
find out. The doctor agrees.
She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully
placed beside her bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor
and says, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"
"Don't worry," he says, "I didn't tell anybody. The first rose is
from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself.
The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation,
and she had the operation done herself."
"Who is the third rose from?" she asked
"Oh," says the doctor, "that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn
unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!"
A rural couple had made sacrifices to save money to send their
only son to college. Once there, he began to grown long sideburns,
a mustache, and a goatee. When his facial hair was luxurious enough
to satisfy him, he had his photograph taken and mailed it home with
a note that read, "Do you like the photo? Do you think it makes me
look like a count?"
"You idiot!" His father wrote back. "Here we are spending a
fortune on your education and you can't even SPELL!"
There's a little old lady standing on the curb at the intersection.
She had both hands holdin' her hat on her head while the wind blew her
skirt up around her face.
A dignified Southern gentleman approached her and said, "Ma'am, you
should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around...being
indecent...while both hands hold on to your hat."
She said, "Look, everything down there is eighty years old...
this hat is brand new!"
Charlie's an embalmer, and one day he says to his boss, "There's a
problem with Mrs. Whittaker."
The boss says, "What's that?"
Charlie says, "I was getting her cleaned up when I noticed a jumbo
shrimp sticking out of her ."
The boss says, "That's impossible. Show me."
They go to the table where she's lying, Charlie flips back the
sheet, points and says, "See? There's a jumbo shrimp sticking out of
her ."
The boss takes a closer look and says, "You jerk, that's not a piece
of shrimp. That's her cl*t."
Charlie says, "Her cl*t? Well, it sure tasted like shrimp."
Melissa was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed
a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates..
"I know you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know
you were so worried about it!"
BAD USES FOR YOUR VAGINA
10. Flower vase
9. Fly catcher
8. Homeless shelter
7. Condom test facility
6. Suction cup
5. Rodent trap
4. Nut cracker
3. Army training facility
2. Sperm bank
1. Center for Disease Control branch office
Little Johnny Howard had been waiting in a long line to sit on
the department store Santa's lap when he finally gets his turn at
it and climbs up.
Santa say to little Johnny, touching the little boy on the nose
with his finger, "I'll bet you'd like a puppy for Christmas."
Johnny shakes his head, "No."
Santa touches the little Johnny's nose with his finger again,
"Well, then I'll bet you'd like a kitten for Christmas."
Johnny again shakes his head, "No..."
The department store Santa then asked, "Well then, what would
you like for Christmas, little boy?"
Johnny replies with a big grin, "I want some !!!"
Santa, startled and almost speechless, stutters, "Well, I don't
have any of that!?!?"
Little Johnny, touching Saint Nick on nose, answers back smiling,
"Yes you do, because I can smell it on your finger!"
A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk along a country
lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desire
rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope
you don't mind but I really do need to have a piss".
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why don't you
go behind this hedge".
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits
he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous
legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal
thoughts a moment longer he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his
hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh
until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a
long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror "My God Mary have you changed your sex!".
"No" she replies, "I've changed my mind, I'm having a instead".
A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when
she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the
first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled
out of the bed after making love and she stooped down to pick up her
husband's clothes and she let a big fart.
She looked up and said, "Excuse please, front hole so happy back
hole whistle!"
A blonde call girl was being driven to a secluded spot by a client
when his car left the road, hit a tree and she was flung through the
windshield. She was rushed to the hospital with blood pouring from
her head and face.
Once at the hospital she clamped her hands to her face and began to
scream "I'm blind. I'm blind. Fetch me a doctor quick."
A doctor was summoned and quickly deduced that it was the blood from
her wounds which were blocking her vision and he tried to reassure her
to this effect.
She, however, insisted, continuing to shout. "I'm blind 'chris'sake.
I'm blind.
The doctor pried away her hands from her face and began to wash away
the blood from her eyes. When he had removed what he considered
enough, he stood back and said "How many fingers do I have up?"
The call girl thought for a few seconds then a look of horror spread
across her face.
"Oh God!" she exclaimed. "I'm paralyzed too!"
Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly
letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she
insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behaviour,
Little Johnny said, "I do it because I can do it better than
anybody, and I'm very proud of that fact."
The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you,
will you stop?"
Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper
on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Johnny
dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny
little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties,
lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done,
there wasn't a trace of chalk dust left on the paper. Johnny was
astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was
willing and as she repeated the process, Johnny peeked up underneath
her skirt.
"No wonder you won!" he exclaimed indignantly, "you've got a
Double-Barrel!"
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the
middle of catching one, he heard his daughter and her date come
in, and as he turned to greet them, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried to dig it out but succeeded only in pushing it in deeper.
After being informed of the problem, the daughter's date said he
could get the peanut out. He told the father to sit down, then
shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out!
The daughter said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart, Daddy?
Guess what he's going to be when he gets older?!"
The father replies "From the smell of his fingers -- maybe my
son-in-law?!"
There were 3 guys, an Australian, a German and an Englishman.
All guys were discussing their cars etc.
The German says, "I have a jaguar, and i call it '' cause
it purrs like a cat."
The English man says "Well I have a BMW and i call it Concord,
cause it slices the air while it drives."
Then the Australian says "Well i've got a Holden, and i call it
clitoris"
The other two guys look at him and ask why he calls his car that?
The Aussie replies, "Because every c*nt has got one!"
Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign
that says, "Cow For Sale...$5000."
He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world
worth five thousand dollars."
The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this."
He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just
like a woman.
Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just
not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow with a snatch like a woman,
and it's worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a
cow, and you're not worth ."
This lady goes to the gynecologist but won't reveal to the
receptionist what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor
right away.
After hours of waiting, her name is called and she's taken to the
examination room. The Doctor asks, "Ok my good woman what is your
problem?"
"Well, she says, my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every
nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. I have scrimped and saved
every dollar I could to save up $500. I didn't know a safe hiding
place, so I stuffed it up my vagina. But now, I can't get it out!
The doctor says, "Don't be nervous, I see things like this all the
time. He asks her to remove her clothes and sit on the edge of the
examination table with her legs apart. As he's putting on his rubber
gloves, he glances up at her and asks...
"I only have one question. What am I looking for? Bills or loose
change?"
SON: Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
FATHER: Well son, a vagina before sex is truly a beautiful thing!
It is the most wonderful thing God ever created.
It is more delicate than a fresh picked rose.
It's aroma is more beautiful than the finest of perfumes.
It's feel is that of the softest silk.
It's taste is that of pure nectar.
SON: Wow!!
FATHER: Even the words of the greatest poets fail to do justice to
it's heavenly wonderment. Man would even sacrifice his own soul for
just the mere glimpse of it's pure divinity.
SON: It sounds wonderful, Dad. What do they look like after sex?
FATHER: Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?
One day while his mother was taking a shower
little Johnny saw her ***** for the first time.
Johnny: Mommy what is that between your legs?
Mother: Thats where your daddy hit me with the Ax she.
Johnny: Damn, hit you right in the didn't he!!!
A 9th grader grader comes home from his first day of
High School and is greeted at the door by his father,
"How was you first day of school?"
"Pretty good, except all the guys were talking about
?"
His father goes to the closet, gets a Hustler magazine,
opens it to the centerfold and circles the with a
pen.
He says, "Son this is a !"
"OK... So, what's a c*nt?"
His father looks at him and says, "Anything outside of
the circle son, anything outside the circle!"
A man sitting at a bar leaned over to the woman seated
next to him and said "Excuse me, can I smell your ?"
"Absolutely not!!" exclaimed the shocked woman.
"Oh," replied the man "then that must be your feet."
A young man bought a new pair of boots of which he was
very proud so he decided to go dancing an give them a try.
After dancing with one lady for a few minutes he said, "I
bet you I can guess the color of your panties."
"O.K.", she replied, "What color do you think they are?"
"Blue", he replied.
"How did you know that", she asked?
"I saw the reflection in my shiney new boots", he said.
"Dance with my sister and tell what color she has on",
the lady said.
After dancing a few minutes the young man started rubbing
the toes on his pant cuffs an started to dance again. After
a few minutes he asked the lady what color panties do you
have on, I can't seem to make them out?"
She replied, "I don't have any panties on."
With a sign of relief the young man said, "Oh good for a
minute I thought I had a crack in my new boots."
Paddy, is taking the wife for a night out down the pub.
He leaves her sitting at the table while he goes to the
bar to get the drinks.
While he's away, a man in a long dirty raincoat approaches
the wife and says to her (Irish accent applies) "Moind, yer
a foine figure of a woman aren't ye" he says. "First, I want
to lift yer blouse and take off yer bra with moi teeth."
To which she replies "yer doirty, doirty old bugger ye."
"Wait, Wait, there's more," he says. "Then, I want to
take off your panties and smother yer buttocks with whipped
cream and lick it all off."
To this, the woman starts screaming for her Paddy.
"Wait, wait, there's more" he says again. "Then I want
to turn you on your head spread your legs and fill your
with lager and drink it through a straw."
Just then Paddy returns, big bloke he is as well. And the
wife says to him "Paddy, I want you to hit this man several
times over the head with a blunt instrument, first," she
says "he wants to take my bra off with his teeth."
Paddy says, "reet I'll take care of him," and he takes
his Jacket off.
"Wait!" she says. "There's more, he then wants to smother
my buttocks with whipped cream and then lick it all off!"
Paddy then starts to role up his sleeves, exposing tattoos
all over his arms.
"Wait!" she says again. "There's more, he then wants to
stand me on my head, fill my with lager and drink it
through a straw!"
At hearing this, Paddy puts his jacket back on and is
quickly making for the door.
"Where the are you going?" the wife says.
Well," he says, "I'm not fighting any man that can drink
that much lager!"
A cowboy is riding across the plains of the old west, when
he is captured by Indians. The tribe puts him on trial for
crimes against the Indian Nation, and he is found guilty.
"You have been sentenced to death," said the Chief, "but,
as is our custom, you have three wishes to make as your
last requests."
The cowboy thought for a minute and said, "Well, for my
first wish, I'll need my ."
"Give him his ," said the Chief.
The cowboy whispered something into the s ear, and
the took off like a shot across the prairie. 20 minutes
later, the returned with a beautiful blonde woman on
it's back. The cowboy looked at this, shrugged his shoulders,
and helped the young lady off the . He then took her
into the woods...
"Second wish," said the Chief.
"I'll need my again," said the cowboy.
"Give him his ," said the Chief.
Once again, the cowboy whispered into the 's ear, and
once again the rode off over the prairie. 30 minutes
later, the returned with a beautiful red-head on it's
back. The cowboy looked up and shrugged, helped the young
lady off the , and went into the woods...
"This is your last wish," said the Chief," make it a good one."
"I'll need my ," said the Chief.
The cowboy grabbed each side of the 's head and put his face
right up to the 's.
"Look, it's POSSE, ok, POSSE !!!"
The night before my wedding, I called my mama for help.
"Mama, I'm not a virgin, but Billy doesn't know that. What can
I do?"
"Honey, don't worry about it," mama replied. "Lots of women aren't
virgins when they're married. It's no big deal these days."
"Well, Mama, it's a big deal to me. I want Billy to think he's the
first. What can I do?"
"OK, sugar, just go to the butcher's, and get yourself a quarter-pound
of liver. Before you go to bed, sneak into the bathroom and pu up
inside you. After you've done the deed, the blood from the liver will
leak out of you, and when Billy sees it, he'll think his name's Buster
Cherry."
"Thanks, Mama," I said.
I went to the butcher shop and got the liver. Just like Mama said
to do, I pushed it up inside me before I went to bed with Billy.
Well, I tell you, that boy gave it to me so hard and so fierce that I
guess I passed out.
The next morning, I woke up alone. I looked at Billy's pillow, and
there was a note pinned to it. It read:
"Darling,
After I saw how I had so savagely ravaged your beautiful body in my
wanton lust, I have decided I am not fit to remain in your life.
I am leaving to join a monastery in Tibet.
Love, Billy
P.S. Your is in the sink."
"Miss Jones, we can't hire you as a model," the editor from the
men's magazine explained. "It's obvious that your blonde hair isn't
natural, since the hair between your legs is black."
The model picked up the magazine editors bowling ball and slammed
it down on his fingers.
"! What the hell did you do that for!" he exploded.
She smiled sweetly and said, "Look at your fingers. They're turning
black, right? And they've only been banged once."
An extremely fat girl beckons to her boyfriend.
"Put your finger in my and wiggle it."
He does.
"Now put your whole hand in my and shake it."
He does.
"Okay, now put your other hand in too, and move them around."
Once again, he does it.
"Okay, now stick both your arms in up to the elbows. Now clap!"
The guy says, "I can't!"
The fat girl smiles and says, "Tight, huh?"
Concerned that her love-life had quieted down somewhat,
Miss Lottsabazooma went to the doctor for her checkup.
Naturally the first thing he asked her to do was strip
off her clothes. Her doctor noted that she was a little
overweight. "Why don't you diet?" he said.
She looked down and said, "What color do you suggest?"
A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she'd just had.
"I was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1000 and the
tiny ones for $10."
Husband: "What about one my size?"
Wife: "Didn't get a bid!"
Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his wife
he'd had a dream too: "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really
tight ones sold for $1000 and the loose ones for $10."
Wife: "What about ones like mine?"
Husband: "They were cooling beer in one, and throwing empties in
the other!"
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the
remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the
driver, "I have a dead ."
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said,
"Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say,
wanna have a good time?"
"Sure", he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes
off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.
She says, "Is this the first you seen since you crawled out
of one?"
The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to
crawl back into."
After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see
the obstetrician.
"Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset
because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both
have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair
to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you
have sex?"
The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past
year. We only made love once or twice a month."
"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust."
A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker
entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a
variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
found that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it was a
tattoo reading, "Keep off the grass."
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to
the dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.
"Doc, I think my d*ck is just too damn small," he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
"Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused.
"Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly
American beers... you should try drinking Guinness. That makes
things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big
smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor.
"Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on
American beer!"
A lady says to her doctor, "My husband has been complaining that my
vagina has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff, and I don't
smell anything."
The doctor examines her, and then says, "You need an operation."
She says, "On my vagina?"
He says, "No. On your nose."
Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get
*****, and start fingering themselves and each other.
After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and
then they measure the slimy outline she leaves.
The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the
slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger.
The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the
first whore says, "You didn't leave an outline."
She says, "Smell the rim."
On Christmas Eve a drunken man was waiting for the bus with three
Christmas boxes. While there, an old lady at the bus stop was giving
him hell for being drunk at Christmas time.
The man, finally fed up with the old lady said, "Lady see this box?
It's a pair of roller skates for my little girl, which cost me $65.
Do you see this box? It's a cowboy outfit with a sheriff's badge and
little guns for my little boy, which cost me $65. And in this box is
a mink coat for my damn wife. It cost me $6500, and do you know what
I am going to get? Three white shirts and a piece of ass, and all
4 are going to be 2 sizes too big!"
A young boy went to stay with his grandparents for the weekend. When
the time came for a shower, Granny was going to have one, too, so she
took the boy with her. Everything was going fine, when the boy looked
up and asked, "Grandma, what's that"?
To which she replied, "Well, dear, that's my possum".
He was happy with that and forgot all about it.
When he was at home and had to have a shower, he went in with his
mum. Looking up he asked, "What's that?"
To which mum replied, "That's my possum, dear".
The boy remembered and said, "Grandma's got one of those, but I
think hers is dead".
Mum asked, "Why is that?"
"Because its tongue was hanging out"!!
There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar. The guys
were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to
how women can not take enough pain to get a tattoo.
After listening to the guys gloat for a little bit longer, the woman
states, "Well, I have a tattoo, too!"
The men all look surprised.
The woman continues, "I have a tattoo of a cute little grey mouse
in a rather private place. Do you want to see my tattoo?"
The guys are getting excited as the crowd starts gathering around
the woman.
Without much ado, the woman stands up, undoes her pants and drops them.
She then looks down, looks kind of confused, and gives the men a
wimpish smile.
One of the men asks, "What is wrong, sweet lady?"
The woman, with a big smile on her face, answers,
"Oh, nothing, I can't show you my little mouse tattoo after all.
My must have eaten it."
One morning, the members of a farm family were coming to the kitchen
for breakfast. Just as Junior seated himself, his mother told him he
was not going to get anything to eat until he went to the barn and fed
the animals.
Irritated at this, he stomped out the door and headed for the barn.
As he fed the chickens, he kicked each one in the head. As the cow
bent down to start in on the fresh hay he had just put in the stall,
he kicked it in the head. He poured food into the trough for the pigs,
and as they started eating, he kicked them in the head. He went back
to the kitchen and sat down again.
His mother was furious. "I saw what you did, so since you kicked the
chickens, you'll get no eggs for breakfast. And since you kicked the
cow, you'll get no milk. And no bacon or sausage because you kicked
the pigs."
Just then, the father came down the stairs and nearly tripped on
the family cat. On impulse, he kicked the cat off the stairs.
The boy looked at his mother and asked "Are you gonna tell him or
should I?"
A woman had a pet skunk which was a devoted pet to her for years.
One day the skunk died. The woman didn't know what to do at first,
as she lived in an apartment and she had no place in the yard to
bury her pet. So she decided to give the pet a proper burial out
in the country. She didn't have a car, so she planned on taking a
bus to the edge of town, then walking from there to some good site.
She got on the bus and sat down behind the driver. About this time,
the skunk wasn't keeping too well, so the woman held the skunk at
arm's length. The driver noticed the smell right away, but he kept
on driving for several blocks. He next opened the window, but that
didn't help.
Finally, he pulled the bus to the curb, and turned around, and
said, "Will the woman with the stinking please get off the bus?"
women got off.
A woman walks into a doctors office and says that she's got
a problem 'down below'
The doctor asks whats wrong and the woman says 'well I've got
3 vaginas - and its causing me a lot of trouble'
The doctor is amazed at this and says, wow - I would love to
have three penis' - what can the trouble possibly be?
'Well doc' the woman says 'The problem is that I'm getting
ed left, right and centre!'
A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon.
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.
She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb
the big tree.
As she neared the top,she encountered a spotted owl that attacked
her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the
ground and got many splinters in her private parts.
In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. He listened
to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would
see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before
the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded " What took you so long?"
The Doctorm replied, "Well, I had to get permits from the
Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau
of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a
recreational area."
A pregnant woman wearing a very short skirt entered the train and
sat in the front of an old man.
"You will give birth to a boy," remarked the old man.
"Thanks, how do you know that?" asked the woman.
"Well, I can see its beard."
A mother and daughter walks into a beauty salon for the girls
first haircut. Eating a cookie while waiting for the beautician,
she is called over next.
As the beautician starts cutting around the little girls head,
she turns to the girl and says, "Do you know you are getting some
hair on your cookie?"
The little girl looks up and smiles and replies, "Yeah, and my
titties are getting bigger too!"
There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one
hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a
big bundle of wire.
'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that wire?'
'Well,' the kid drawls, 'this here ain't just any ol' wire, this
here's chicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!'
'You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!'
'Sure I can!' the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes
back at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of
chickens caught in his chicken wire.
Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same
kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.
'Hey kid!' the farmer yells. 'Where ya goin' with that tape?'
'Well, this here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape --
I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks!'
'You can't catch ducks with duck tape!' the farmer yells back.
'Sure I can!' the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes
back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his
eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in
his tape.
The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid
comes walking down the road carrying a stick.
'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that stick?'
'Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's a willow.'
'Hang on,' the farmer says, 'I'll get my hat.'
A dumb secretary and a smart one were sitting around in the office
when a delivery boy brought some flowers to the smart one. The dumb
one asked the smart one why she had gotten such a nice present.
"My boyfriend and I had a big fight. This is his way of making up
for it."
She didn't seem overly thrilled by the present, however, to the surprise
of her dumb friend, and she added, "Now I'm going to have to spend the
next two weeks on my back with my legs up in the air."
"Wouldn't it be easier," asked her friend, "just to use a vase?"
There was a man who had just gotten married and was spending his
wedding night with his new wife in a very posh hotel. It was to be
the first time that he had ever had sex with his partner, indeed he
had never even seen her .
As they were both undressing, he looked up from taking off his
socks to notice that she did in fact have very large breasts. He
said as much to her, but the poor girl, who had always had a bit
of a complex about them, got very distraught. So much so that she
sent him, blanket in hand, to go and sleep in the corridor. The
man was pretty upset at this, but, not wishing to fuel her anger
further, did as he was told. Just as he was getting off to sleep,
another man came into the corridor and joined him. The first man
asked the second why he was out there, to which the second replied
that he was also on his wedding night and had never had the
pleasure of seeing his new wife's body before either.
When she was undressing, he had complemented her on having a
rather large bum. She hadn't been impressed with his comment, and
had ordered him to go and sleep in the corridor.
It wasn't long before jilted honeymooner number three sulkily
sauntered along to join the other two.
"What's wrong with you?" Asked the first. "Did you put your foot
in it as well?"
"No," replied the third, "but I bloody well could have..."
Ma and Pa are out having a sit on the front porch one evening,
smoking their pipes and rocking in their rocking chairs. Ma turns
to Pa and says, "Pa, you got to do something about the outhouse".
Pa says, "OK".
Next day, Pa goes out to the outhouse and knocks down the spider
webs, puts in fresh reading material and toilet paper and sweeps
the floor.
That evening, Ma and Pa are out rocking again. Ma turns to Pa
and says, "Pa, you still got to do something about the outhouse".
Pa says, "OK".
Next day, Pa goes out and really does over the outhouse: new coat
of paint, oil on the door hinges, clean the windows; all that sort
of thing. "That ought to do it", he says to himself.
That evening, Ma and Pa are out rocking again. Ma turns to Pa
and says, "Pa, you still got to do something about the outhouse".
Pa turns to Ma and says, "well, suppose you just show me what it
is that needs doin'".
So Ma leads him out to the outhouse, opens the door and says,
"step on in".
Pa steps on in.
"Now, stick your head down through the hole".
Pa does so.
"Look to the left".
He does.
"Look to the right".
He does.
"Now pull your head out".
As Pa pulls his head out, his beard snags on a nail under the seat.
"Yeow!" says Pa.
Ma says, "Annoying, ain't it?"
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted
to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how
he managed for sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was, and he said, "Oh, Tarzan
use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong! I will show
you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on
the ground, and spread her legs wide.
"Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her
an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Tarzan check for bees."
One night Jerry brought home a dozen roses to his wife. "How lovely,
dear," she commented. "What's the occasion?"
"I want to make love to you," he said simply.
"Not tonight dear. I have a headache."
The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and
explained that he wanted to make love.
"I'm awfully tired, honey," said his wife. "Not tonight."
Every night for a week Jerry brought home an elegant gift, but each
time his wife's answer was no. Finally he came home with six black
kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his
wife.
"How adorable, Jerry," she exclaimed. "But what are they for?"
"These are six pallbearers for your dead ."
There were 2 fishermen out in a boat on a lake. One looks to the
other and says, "I saw you with your new wife last night and she sure
is gorgeous, I'll bet you love getting that ."
The other fisherman replies, "No, I can't her, she has gonorrhea."
"Damn man! Well, I bet she gives one hell of a blow job."
"No, she can't suck my d*ck because she has pyorrhea."
"Damn, well there's always anal sex."
"No, I can't her in the ass because she has diarrhea."
"Well, what in the hell did you marry the girl for is she has all
these problems?"
"Because she also has worms and I love to fish!"
A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair
really smells nice.
The woman, in a huff, immediately goes into her supervisor's office
and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and
explains what had occurred.
The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with the
co-worker telling you your hair smells nice."
The woman replies, "He's a midget!"
Two old ladies were chatting one day. They were talking about this
and that and the subject finally got around to sex. The first old
lady said she enjoyed sex now just as much as ever. The second old
lady was surprised and asked her what her secret was. The first old
lady said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage
she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet
up over her head.
When her husband comes into the bedroom, he gets turned on and
has his way with her.
The second old lady decides to try this approach so that night
when she heard her husband coming home, she takes a quick shower,
jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head.
Her husband comes into the bedroom, takes one look and says,
"For God's sake Maude, comb your hair and put your teeth in,
you're starting to look like an jerk !
Old blind Joe walks into the personnel office at the town sawmill,
and approaches Floyd, the manager.
"Mornin, Joe, what can we do you for?" asks Floyd.
"Well, Floyd, I heard through the grapevine that y'all was needin
a new lumber inspector out on the line," says Joe.
"Uh, no offense, Joe, but you're blind! How can you be a lumber
inspector?" asks Floyd.
"Well, Floyd, y'see, I been practicin. I rubs my hand down a board,
any board, which gives me a feel of the dimensions. Now, you know,
me bein blind and all, my sense of smell is all heightened up real
sensitive like, and then I smells my fingers, which tells me what type
of wood I'd be inspectin. But don't just let me go on about it; take
me out to the line, and I'll show ya that ya can't go wrong by givin
me what I'd consider to be real gainful employment," says Joe.
"OK, Joe, we'll see what we can do," says the good-natured manager.
"Let's go talk to Rafe and the other boys out on the line."
They head on out to the production line, where several workers are
gathered.
"Hey, look, it's Floyd and old blind Joe! What's goin on?" they ask.
"Well, Joe says he wants a crack at the inspector's job, and I can't
talk him out of tryin to show me he can do it," answers Floyd. "So,
what say we send a couple boards down his way, and when he can't say
what they are, we'll just be past th
MasterFeb 22 2005 11:12amFLAGi am a woman and i never smell down there and not once have i ever been told that my good enough.ther are many wonderful bath products to use in the tub.!please ladies take the time and wash more often and if you have an infection go to the doctors before your man gets it.
candyFeb 26 2005 7:45pmFLAGcould just be common yeast infection -needs premin cream- not catchey - usally caused by high
sugar levels -or diabetes
bobMar 19 2005 3:02pmFLAGyou all are you mean.. it is hard on girls when the smell.. yall have to understand.
meApr 08 2005 11:47pmFLAGyou all are you mean.. it is hard on girls when the smell.. yall have to understand.
meApr 08 2005 11:49pmFLAGwhy are you guys so mean to the girls?
justinApr 09 2005 12:04amFLAGwhy are you guys so mean to the girls?
justinApr 09 2005 12:21amFLAGI'm allergic to fish
anyway, its trimethylamine, from rotting piss. Leave fish alone.
QuimDoctorApr 13 2005 7:19pmFLAGsomething's wrong if your gf smells like fish
D'ShizleMay 02 2005 2:52pmFLAGtell her to was her labia and her pubis hair if it still smells.Then she need the docter.
just meSep 24 2005 11:12pmFLAGif you girlfriend really smells that bad then maybe you should dump her but if you really love her why does it care but oyu might wanna get her cheakk out cause she s been around you know what i mean.
but you might not waand tell her she stinks it might hurt her mayeb you could just be like i think we should both get cheak just in chase of somethign.
but NO MEN should ever beat a girl no matter hoe smelly she is!
tropical Sep 26 2005 6:44pmFLAGhave u every got ur face sittin' on?
1 stunnerOct 17 2005 4:03pmFLAGthis her in her ass
big boneOct 26 2005 12:20amFLAGi out of my girls ass,ohhhhh feel so good too.
big boneOct 26 2005 12:22amFLAGi like to have my face sittin on
1 stunnerOct 29 2005 5:32pmFLAGI heard that a girls smell isn't her fault if she washes and still isn't clean it has to do with excess bacteria building up and if she speaks to a doctor they can give her pills to make the smell go away
AnonymousNov 23 2005 11:25amFLAGYou'll dumbass I have 5 girlfriends an am only and smell
50 CENTNov 27 2005 6:56pmFLAGBecause I'm a pimp all my girls love me and my girls don't stink
50 CENTNov 27 2005 7:00pmFLAGITS NOVEMBER 2005 AND STILL NO DAMN REPLIEDS WHAT ARE YOU'LL DOING TAKING A COME ON I'M WAITING AND BESIDES WHILE I'M WAITING MY GIRL CAN SUCK MY C*ck
50 CENTNov 27 2005 7:28pmFLAGummm well i dont know dumb sh!t, if my girlfriends vag smelled id break up wit the h0e
s uck m y di ckDec 03 2005 7:54amFLAGat it still smells like pee anyway
mfinJan 16 2006 10:50amFLAGcheck it out bottom line THE GIRL NEED TO CLEAN HERSELF BETTER. Also their are some very sick people on this site alot worse than a smelly snatch. if you don't beleive it read what CHR 05 has to say. this guys brain.... well maybe should quit sniffin paint
AnonymousJan 16 2006 11:07amFLAGcheck it out bottom line THE GIRL NEED TO CLEAN HERSELF BETTER. Also their are some very sick people on this site alot worse than a smelly snatch. if you don't beleive it read what CHR 05 has to say. this guys brain.... well maybe should quit sniffin paint
mfinJan 16 2006 11:08amFLAGYou would not know what her vagina had smelt like if you hadn't ed her!
erFeb 01 2006 2:33pmFLAGgo masterbate with a vacume you vagina
vagina manFeb 01 2006 2:35pmFLAGstick her hole with some glue.....that might stop the smell....
glue salesmanFeb 02 2006 6:44pmFLAGtell her to use SOAP man,she must be well smelly,ewwwwwwwwwwwww get a new gf coz shes got sum issues
clean Feb 08 2006 4:13pmFLAGgod seriously i would puke if i smelt that smell! and u guys can be offended all u want but that is not my thing!
anonymousFeb 11 2006 3:21amFLAGif you miss that slimy slit your bound to get your d*ck in
spiffFeb 11 2006 8:42amFLAGFind yourself a really great smelling guy then!
More for the rest of usMar 02 2006 5:34pmFLAGw8 till u have a cold, blocked nose. use neutrodol or do it in the shower hahaha
a Mar 06 2006 5:19pmFLAGIf it smell like fish is a good dish, if it smells like cologne leave it alone.
Kendall Candy In 305Mar 19 2006 7:43amFLAGSome girls do stink - and it's just cos they dont wash. If you fellaz jerk your weaner in the morning, it honks in the evening - same thing, except womens wearing they pantyhose all day so they are rubbing themselves off all - so it's bound to kick off a real ponger.
Women naturally stink there for this reason, but only the ones that done wash.
Get your girl to take a shower and wash her gash, or soak in a bath with her legs open a bit.
Better still, just use the bone on her. It's un-natural to want to eat down there - it's right next to her ass for f**cks sakes !!!
Matthew WilkesMar 20 2006 7:55amFLAGit smelled like a dam shoe
kevin vanerApr 29 2006 6:48pmFLAGi love that smell like fish
kevin vanerApr 29 2006 6:51pmFLAGi am gay call me 8795555
mattew wikesApr 29 2006 6:55pmFLAGhey should i give him head tonight because we have only been going out 5 days...?
AmandaMay 05 2006 3:28pmFLAGadd me on msn if u want to have webcam cyber
Pan_lover3@hotmail.com
seriously guys.. (L)
peace
Amandaa*May 05 2006 3:29pmFLAGgo smellin slut buyin jerks
ernuttMay 20 2006 9:37pmFLAGhey amanda i think you sould give him head girl!!! I beat he will love it!!!! he was gettin some head!!!!!!!!LOL
big assJun 02 2006 9:47pmFLAGhey 50 CENT call me baby, you sound like you look good i'm only !!! And I promise I will give you some good you will love and it will not stink baby!!!!! 1-(704)-609-3479!I'm waitin' on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Chasity S. aka GOOD BITCHJun 02 2006 9:54pmFLAGyou can call me too strange man!!!!!! Hell if you are fine just call me and i will give you some head
Chasity S. aka GOOD BITCHJun 02 2006 10:04pmFLAGgo suck a d*ck ho
AnonymousJun 24 2006 10:38pmFLAGwhat kind of gay a$$ website is this, you people have no lives! fcuk off!
FcukerJun 27 2006 3:34pmFLAGclean your self with vinegar and lemon.
Deniqua 951-492-19Jun 28 2006 4:42pmFLAGclean your self with vinegar and lemon.
Deniqua 951-492-19Jun 28 2006 4:42pmFLAGclean your self with vinegar and lemon.
DeniquaJun 28 2006 4:42pmFLAGPopcorn HEAD!!!!!!!! Just popcorn that me not!
The Biast KKK LeaderJun 30 2006 2:53pmFLAGlove nathan
nathanJul 21 2006 3:20pmFLAGnathan mhillips is the best liker ever
girls gone wildJul 21 2006 3:21pmFLAGWhy does my penis smell? I dont have a foreskin and I shower every day, I have a lotta sex, and me and my girlfriend have sex like every other day but I clean it alllllllllll the time and it smells fishy but my girl dosn;t smell at all and its really starting to get embarrassing, its been about 6 months its been goin on.
TyJul 22 2006 9:17pmFLAGa female dont always smell cuz they dont take a bath or that there out messing around on you it can be cuz they have low white blood- cells, if your gurl has an odor problem then you should keep it on the low and talk to them about it and tell them sometimes they wont know, but the worse thing that a guy can do is tell everyone that hurts the gurl so bad inside but do talk to them and tell her to go to the doctors cuz she can or might have something but it could also be low white blood- cells so just sit her down and talk to her!
frankie austinJul 24 2006 12:19pmFLAGyour totally right p.s. chill withthe black cutlines LOL keep it on the low down
xXxAug 02 2006 4:48pmFLAGWhat you do is quit putting the wang in the vagina and start putting it in the anus. That solves the problem of the stinky pinky! And opens up the problem for the stinky brown winky !! GOOD LUCK
The ShermonatorAug 23 2006 9:05pmFLAGin rules titties bitches
Ur Big Toe!Sep 12 2006 10:53pmFLAGtuna fish nigggaa dat bitch smells like tuna and i know how to get rid of it and i know what it is too. holla if you wanna know why the b*tch smells like tuna..
MUAH Sep 19 2006 5:51pmFLAGoh and Ty ... i know why ur d*ck smells..
MUAH Sep 19 2006 5:53pmFLAGdont finger her nasty shyt then!!!! she dont wash her in nasty
ya mamma bitch ass !!!Sep 26 2006 8:42pmFLAGthis s
ya mamma bitch ass Sep 26 2006 8:44pmFLAGya'll !!!
ya mamma bitch ass Sep 26 2006 8:45pmFLAGIt would appear that Brendon and Justin are un-educated fools, who need to go back to primary school and learn some manners. I pitty any women who ends up with you two, but then again, you attract what you are. "This one is for the many decent women out there".
BJSep 28 2006 5:24amFLAGMan, I think you ment Julian.......
gazzaSep 28 2006 5:27amFLAGshe probly smells cuz shes on her period,she just needs 2 change her pads more often,and when she gets out of the shower...........den dats just gross neva mind about that
c.m.s rules go crockettOct 12 2006 4:33pmFLAGshe might have a blader infection, cuz my friend does and she always smells like fish, but thats no reason 2 in beat her up,shes still the same person.
sexy ass gurlOct 12 2006 4:35pmFLAGTell her to douche her vagina most women need to do that once and month after their period anyways it'll take the stench away, then tell her to get some summers eve wash and some feminine deoderant! A douche should solve the problem!!
danielleJan 28 2007 9:27pmFLAGMAN IF YA GIRL NANA STINK U NEEDA PRESSURE WASH DAT THING I HOPE U NOT LICKIN THAT
CLOSED LEGSMar 16 2007 7:52pmFLAGman i have a hot gf and her dnt smell word of advice maybe its more than one penis going in the stinky girls. girls that do use a dush!!!!
JamesApr 06 2007 1:18pmFLAGyou all are lame. get a life.
.Apr 21 2007 2:45amFLAGshe must masterbate with eels. Kind of kinky.
cdudeApr 29 2007 10:24pmFLAGyou are lame and your tang probably smells. cdude pobably has a tang and uses eels. lol u suck
1 stunnaMay 16 2007 10:44amFLAGi think d*cks taste good
lalaMay 22 2007 1:23pmFLAGanyone wana lik my fresh smelling vagina
kelseyMay 22 2007 1:24pmFLAGY dose my tang smells like ?YYYYYYYYY?
009dadJun 18 2007 6:38amFLAGi think everyone forgot the question............
animekingxAug 14 2007 1:36amFLAGwow this is interesting i just have a question why r u guys on this thing? apparently youre looking for answers cuz someone you like has a smell vag. i guess i shouldnt be talking lol.
volleyball babe you likes to fuuukkk!Sep 09 2007 5:31pmFLAGwow this is interesting i just have a question why r u guys on this thing? apparently youre looking for answers cuz someone you like has a smell vag. i guess i shouldnt be talking lol.
volleyball babe who likes to fuuukkk!Sep 09 2007 5:32pmFLAGget dush
petSep 10 2007 11:08amFLAGlick my c*ck you mother in her eye
c*ckmaster DSep 23 2007 11:01pmFLAGevry body hates your girlfriend
your motherDec 20 2007 3:35pmFLAGcmon you motherers
meJan 26 2008 6:36amFLAGjust to let you know your smella a little fishy
brandonJan 26 2008 6:37amFLAGmake her bined over and put a fish an her
50 centJan 26 2008 6:39amFLAGokay eew ur gf has a infection [sleeping around] pr isnt cleaning her well also try some stuff from a sex store like spencers to put down there and tell her that turns u on gotta be slick about it =] Hope this helps/ P.s most of you guys are jerks and went way off subject.
damianApr 09 2008 3:03pmFLAGyour girl just needs some summers eve a friend of mine has the same problem
allieApr 15 2008 2:27amFLAGwomen stink because the have a vaginal discharge and need to take a shower 2 times dayly dushing macks it worse and then they will have an infection the best thing to do is go to a doctor and let them know what is going on
michelleMay 20 2008 4:31pmFLAGman If your that concerned take her to a doctors and find out none of us can really tell you what to do but if you love her take her in.
SpiderJun 09 2008 3:18amFLAGI agree with the ppl above me...She might just have an infection. I had a friend that had an odor and she went to the doctor and hey gave her pills and it went away.
Ms. Bumble BeeJun 29 2008 9:55pmFLAGsome of you people really have to get a life and if you want to chat go to a chat room. people are trying to get help here. people who do have a life so have some respect
ericaJul 11 2008 9:52amFLAGONE NIGHT I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE I WAS STANDING BEHIND A WOMAN SHE HAS A NICE TIGHT ASS SO I STICKED MY FACE IN IT AND SNIFFED IT BOY SHE REALLY STINKS LIKE FISH FROM OUT OF THE SEA AND I REALLY GOT A HARD ON
DONNIE KINMANJul 19 2008 11:53amFLAGI WAS AT BARNS AND NOBLE I WAS STANDING BEHIND A WOMAN AND SNIFFED HER ASS REAL GOOD BOY SHE REALLY SMELLED SO GOOD & SEXY DID NOT STINK & ANOTHER WOMAN I SNIFFED HER ASS BOY SHE REALLY DOES STINK A FISH & ANOTHER I SNIFFED SHE STINKS LIKE PISS STINK I JUST LOVE SNIFFING A WOMANS ASS I GET A HARD ON.
MITCH FARLEYJul 19 2008 8:13pmFLAGmy exwife I will call mo had this problem and thougt I was talking junk to her please let me know if she can do anything about this problem
misses moOct 22 2008 8:03amFLAGu people r weirddddddd
SPIDER MANNov 03 2008 5:37amFLAGROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HULK MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DEMON HULKNov 03 2008 5:38amFLAGWTF THIS WAS 6 YEARS AGO
DEMON HULKNov 03 2008 5:43amFLAGWELL SHE NEEDS TO USE SOAP, CUZ SOME PPL DONT WHICH IS INCONSIDERATE LOL AND MAYBE SHE SHOULD DOUCHE. IM A GIRL N I DO ALL OF THAT. MINES SMELL LIKE FLOWERS LOL
NONEYABIZNEZZDec 10 2008 12:55pmFLAGAND PLUS YUR d*ck PROLLEY STINKS WORSE THEN HER TANG THAS WHY YU GOT HER LIKE THAT
kDec 23 2008 6:20amFLAGwell, i know its really difficult to remove that smell. i would advice you to use a shower gel n its works. put some cream n wa again.thanks n dnt worry it happens
someoneDec 23 2008 6:22amFLAGIf it smells like fish, do what you wish.
If it smells like cologne, LEAVE IT ALONE!
EddieJan 14 2009 10:38pmFLAGyeah just have a sensual soapy wash together and take pleasure in washing her fishy oyster shmoo.
johnny be goodMay 06 2009 4:09amFLAGjust dip a toothbrush in dove soap and gently scrape those fishy flakes from her folds. go inside too and scrub any fishy slime lurking up in there.then top with a sprigg of mint.enjoy.
bonoMay 06 2009 4:14amFLAGi like cheesey vaginas not fishy ones
coolmzxDec 22 2009 2:12pmFLAGi think like sometimes she should let it breath like go 2 sleep w. nun on....thats wht i do every night nd during the day of course have something on...mines stay freshh n of course shower...dnt make ur gf feel sad...try telling her in a nice way
pussie loverJul 26 2010 5:06pmFLAGWTF. Ya'know...just tell her eat natural sweet food like grapes err something along those lines. Also..tell her to lay off the candy and soda.This is an actually known fact. Jesus what the is up with you guys.
WTFApr 27 2011 6:04pmFLAGHaha ya mad dum i swear . Well if sge smellz like or well fish den sge might have a type of infection trust me my sister had dat abd she had to get that checked out nd it came out to be a urin infection . So go check it out cause if she DOES have an infectiob yu can catch it
Similar girlMay 15 2011 5:02amFLAGIm sorry i wrote some word wrong they mean sge:she and abd:and
Similar girlMay 15 2011 5:05amFLAGits called washing it the right waay, she must have some type of inffection if it still stinks! my be stinking sometimes but thats why u hope in the shower! then it smells yummy :)
Nice girlJun 28 2011 7:39amFLAGJust tell her to blow you.
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