Fantasy Hoops





Asked by: ELMO at 11:25:47 AM, Wednesday, August 27, 2003 PDT FLAG


it smells like that becuase its in the makeup of the female's natural chemicals, but if it is really strong, your gf may have a problem that she should go to a doctor for.

razzB Aug 27 2003 9:12pm FLAG

Just beat the crap outta her and maybe the smell will go away. Send her to a clinic or something.

Julian Aug 28 2003 1:25am FLAG
Yes. I agree with Julian. Sometimes us females smell really bad and we like to get beaten up. It teaches us a lesson. Good luck with your smelly girlfriend.

Susan Aug 28 2003 1:27am FLAG
What is all this with beating up women. Is some one trying to make us think women actually like that. Probably some bloke that gets a rush from it. Well if it is you'd probably get more of a rush hitting a bloke because it is a more fair fight. It would feel more achieved. Most women dont like it. I belive your woman should be treated with respect, if you are with her she must be doing something right for you to carry on seeing her so pay her back for it, like treating her or something she likes. LMAO at the thought that you just said beat her untill the smell goes away. As for the smelling problem, It is kinda nateral but If it is really that strong im sure there is something you could do like seeing a doctor. I dont know what will happen then. My last girl friend didnt really smell much down there. I just used to put up with the little (nateral) smell cos she loved it.

Matthew Wilkes Aug 28 2003 4:04pm FLAG
Beat her up. Get Slamming Sammy to hit her in the face with a baseball bat, Homo Romo to tackle her and slam her into a wall, Mike Tyson to throw some punches at her and then splouge on her face and punch her in the face breaking her nose. After that drop her off the fifth story of a building on to a street where she will get run over breaking most of her bones, then take a and piss on her. I did something simular to my last girl.

John Harrison Sep 06 2003 10:02am FLAG
If John Harrison thinks any of us believe his pathetic liar ass then he's stupider than most of us thought. Not anyone else's fault no girls want anything to do with him. As far as why girls smell down there it is normal. There are a ton of feminine hygiene products she can use that will take care of it.

nice smelling girl Sep 13 2003 12:34pm FLAG
if it smell so bad then dont go down on ur u dumb ass

Anonymous Sep 17 2003 9:02pm FLAG
anybody who wants to BEAT any one just to get a rush should die and john harrison come and see if you can beat me ill kick your ass whole, and about your problem it sounds like she has a problem send her to a doctor or ginacoligist

strange man Sep 19 2003 7:16am FLAG
what the hell is all this talk about beating her up r u guys in crazy! whats that gonna do! ur girl must have an infection maybe u should confront her about it!

stephy Sep 20 2003 8:28am FLAG
HGuys no beating up chicks! She either has an infection, maybe yeast, or she just needs a stronger deoderant soap. She's probably a nice girl. Just take a sexxy shower together before having sex and wash her body. Tell her you like that way the soap feels on her body. Be tactful boys, Love the ladies! Cristina

Anonymous Sep 20 2003 11:48am FLAG
yea man ur bitch does stink that last night

Brendon Sep 20 2003 2:34pm FLAG
this sight is gay i wrote shyt and it said poo

Brendon Sep 20 2003 2:36pm FLAG

Anonymous Sep 20 2003 6:14pm FLAG
ewww if she still smells like fish even when she just got out of the shower that means that she doesnt even clean it!!! ewwww thats disgusting

Anonymous Sep 23 2003 8:43pm FLAG
If it still smells after a shower, then she is not cleaning the folds of skin. The labia majora needs to be spread open and washed. Perhaps she has too much hair and isn't washing well enough. She should take a bath and soak. She might have a health problem and approaching her about this needs to be done delicately. It might not be her fault.

yo mamma Sep 24 2003 2:19pm FLAG
okay you are all gross. Your girlfriend is probaly a whore, maybe you should get a girlfriend that is more um say "Clean". Maybe someone that doesn't have dieases people shouldn't smell bad, you people disgust me. You and your whoring ways, YOU ARE ALL SLUTS HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELVES.

Gerter Sep 26 2003 10:09pm FLAG
gerter go your dog

strange man Sep 27 2003 7:14am FLAG
you are all nucken futts OTHER WAY AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOT CHIQ Oct 01 2003 3:01pm FLAG

DUSTIN STILL Oct 01 2003 3:03pm FLAG

LAUREN SPEERS Oct 01 2003 3:08pm FLAG
what the hell does that have to do with this

strange man Oct 02 2003 2:20pm FLAG
shut upp bitch you suck ass whole

LAUREN SPEERS Oct 02 2003 2:39pm FLAG
if i am im not the one who is so pathic that they have to complain about getting dumped dumb ass i can see why he dumped you go cry cuz i dont care

strange man Oct 02 2003 4:50pm FLAG
you are a big mother er

me Oct 03 2003 3:04pm FLAG
i know he is isint he

lauren speers Oct 03 2003 3:05pm FLAG
you know strange man i think you have serious mentle problems

lauren speers Oct 03 2003 3:07pm FLAG
i bet you havent had any one to love you have you ? i know you havent because of you sory attitude "strange man"

me Oct 03 2003 3:09pm FLAG
if your so big and bad why dont you write back loser

lauren speers Oct 03 2003 3:11pm FLAG
by the way i got him back yrsterday . he asked me back out

lauren speers Oct 03 2003 3:13pm FLAG
what kind of a name is strange man?

pimp Oct 03 2003 3:14pm FLAG
its like that cause im hypicriticol sometimes and lauren i did not right back cuz im not a computer addicted freak like you and me go your self

strange man Oct 03 2003 3:44pm FLAG
im sory strange man can we be friends i was joking

lauren Oct 03 2003 4:08pm FLAG
ok sure what ever

strange man Oct 03 2003 4:33pm FLAG
if you really mean it sure i guess

strange man Oct 03 2003 4:34pm FLAG
cool i do mean it im sory

Anonymous Oct 03 2003 4:39pm FLAG
i for got to rite my name.

lauren Oct 03 2003 4:40pm FLAG
ok cool then and im sorry i guess for calling you a bitch and telling you to off ok

strange man Oct 03 2003 4:40pm FLAG
ok you seem pretty cool im really sory .

lauren Oct 03 2003 4:50pm FLAG
its really ok just plz stop saying sorry

strange man Oct 03 2003 4:52pm FLAG
and why did ya wanna no my name

strange man Oct 03 2003 4:52pm FLAG
ok sory opppppppppppps just joking

lauren Oct 03 2003 4:53pm FLAG
i was just wondering because i have never ben friends with some one i dont know

lauren speers Oct 03 2003 4:55pm FLAG
ah ok well um cool i guess my name is john ok

strange man Oct 03 2003 4:57pm FLAG
hey john im lauren i guess you allready know that.

lauren Oct 03 2003 5:02pm FLAG

strange man Oct 03 2003 5:03pm FLAG
that one girl tina is cool!she is ubbsessed with sammarii jack .he can be pretty cool though

Anonymous Oct 03 2003 5:05pm FLAG
hey wait

lauren speers Oct 03 2003 5:06pm FLAG
ok yeah i no she is ubsessedd with samurai jack i evn went on this forum to help her say that samurai jack is beter than that gay lesbo on rorunio kesnhin or whatever thats called

strange man Oct 03 2003 5:07pm FLAG

strange man Oct 03 2003 5:07pm FLAG
did you know im hotter chiq too?

lauren Oct 03 2003 5:08pm FLAG
yes you said that in some post before, why

strange man Oct 03 2003 5:09pm FLAG
why did that one guy lie about falling down the stairs?

lauren speers Oct 03 2003 5:11pm FLAG
i dont know i use 2 names instead

lauren Oct 03 2003 5:13pm FLAG
because he wanted to see what kind of losers come on this sight those were his exact words i think

strange man Oct 03 2003 5:13pm FLAG
lauren is a dumb

yo mamma Oct 03 2003 5:16pm FLAG
shut up yo mamma go your self ok go away bitch

strange man Oct 03 2003 5:17pm FLAG
well i dunno.. but that girl tina, she sux c*ck big time.. she's a ing d*ck sucker. im serious, i aint lying folks, im dead serious! she's given me head! thats how i know, and some friends too

Anonymous Oct 03 2003 8:22pm FLAG
yeah i know im 1 of them. thanks for telling me this site existed fool, so we could tell evryone wat that whore tina is like!

bryan Oct 03 2003 8:32pm FLAG
i am sure ass hole go your self

strange man Oct 04 2003 6:25am FLAG
you're one of what bryan? the d*cksuckers that anonymous or lauren or whoever was talking about? get a life you pole smoker.

Bob the builder Oct 04 2003 11:32am FLAG

TiNa ThE EviL MiNiOn Oct 04 2003 1:44pm FLAG
and starnge man do u have a problem that im obbsessed with something? cause if u do then leave me alone and go away. AND YOUR ALL A BUNCH OF ING LIERS. I WOULDNT TOUCH YOUR DAMN d*ck EVEN FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.

TiNa The EvIl MinIon Oct 04 2003 1:46pm FLAG
i told them to go them selves not you

strange man Oct 04 2003 2:15pm FLAG
my fingers smell like salmon after i finger my g/f, p.s., im only (nice site)

Oct 04 2003 4:44pm FLAG
After i her even harder?

Joshua Wilkins Oct 05 2003 6:45pm FLAG
Well Joshua, you got some issues and need to wrok them out...ON ME U SEXY BEAST... me BITCH!!!!!

St. Francis Oct 05 2003 6:46pm FLAG
dumb ass

strange man Oct 11 2003 7:07am FLAG
sew it shut and make her blow ya

g flore Oct 13 2003 11:04am FLAG
HEY HEY HEY THIS SITE HAS LOST IT'S TUNA FISH FLAVOR. IT WAS CREATED TO TALK ABOUT THE SMELLY . anyway, i know this girl Stef and godDamn the bitch smelt like a hot garbage on a summer day. I think its just up the girl, not to sound concided or a pimp but I have had sex with many other girls and never came across with a smelly puss as bad as hers. WOWWSERS she should die.

Brandale Oct 21 2003 5:58pm FLAG
haha this is a fu
sukmydia Oct 22 2003 4:44pm FLAG

U Oct 26 2003 4:13pm FLAG
Yo simply if she smells like fish this either means she is s.

LadiesMan@Paterson,NJ Oct 28 2003 3:29pm FLAG

StrangeLovaNJ Oct 28 2003 3:30pm FLAG
W32.Blaster.Worm will be here with this site soon

JustFoolin Idiot Oct 28 2003 3:31pm FLAG
She must be a negro

Tamachron Nov 02 2003 6:56am FLAG
racist c*nt

Anonymous Nov 02 2003 5:30pm FLAG
The answer to this can be found at

Dub Nov 03 2003 4:24pm FLAG
Tamachron go to hell u racist mothera. I agree with the people who says stronger soap and go to the clinic

yadontneed2know Nov 08 2003 2:46pm FLAG
ya kill the racist

strange man Nov 08 2003 4:44pm FLAG
She probably masturbates too much

random person Nov 09 2003 7:02pm FLAG
I like Jam on my and then munching it up.

some nig Nov 11 2003 1:44pm FLAG
i lick alot af i get paid for it and im only i lick it very much i had sex when i was 9 i enjoyed it alot

male prostitute Nov 12 2003 12:16pm FLAG
raz got a baby on the way and it,s a boy and hes name is de mario kekey simmons and that is my men and yoll hoes don't hate on me please and did i say raz 2 and that is my baby daddy 4 evermuch love

razzb baby mommy Nov 14 2003 5:28pm FLAG
its good that she smells like a fish. sometimes we get pleasure from dirty thigs also. Enjoy the smell.

Alex Jones Nov 14 2003 10:12pm FLAG
if your girl smells use a dushbag

dee Nov 15 2003 5:48pm FLAG
my gf is scared she smells and i tell her she doesent but now i dont know what else to do?

concerned boyfriend Nov 15 2003 11:19pm FLAG
why dont you smell her panties?

alex jones Nov 17 2003 3:06pm FLAG
dude i dont smell her panties ok u sick f**k i know cause i have a pretty sexual life with her now does any 1 have any advice useful

concerned boyfriend Nov 18 2003 11:33pm FLAG
HEHE I am laughing my ass off reading these posts! I once had a friend tell me "If it smells like fis a tasty dish, but if it smells like calogne leave it alone!!!".

Randy Nov 19 2003 5:33am FLAG
HEHE I am laughing my ass off reading these posts! I once had a friend tell me "If it smells like fis a tasty dish, but if it smells like calogne leave it alone!!!".

Randy Nov 19 2003 5:35am FLAG
does an unwashed smell like rotten fish???

curious Nov 19 2003 10:11pm FLAG
strange man you cant beat nobody's ass you wannabe asian.ASIAN HATER

AznGangsta Nov 22 2003 11:55pm FLAG
i dont hate asians and if im a wannabe asian how can i hate them

Sieg DeBlanc Nov 23 2003 8:54am FLAG
hey my wife smells bad too

cheers Nov 23 2003 3:22pm FLAG
if it stinks look and if it is yellow and puss like then put a stick of mint gum in her vagina

mister poop Nov 23 2003 7:48pm FLAG
lol you guys are retarded

strange man Nov 30 2003 1:32pm FLAG
I find that women are somewhat like home cooking. The truth is that although everyone is familiar with their mom's home cooking(unless you never had a mother or she's dead or some sh"i"t else) we often find that some of mother's food smells like . That's not to say it doesn't taste good; it might and it might not. Who knows. The point is this: if her vagina smells bad but tastes good then eat until your heart is content disregarding the pungent scent, yet if you find yourself unable to bear the pain of a particularly revolting odor then push that dish to side and move on to the next one.

The Bunny Dec 12 2003 3:04pm FLAG
I find that women are somewhat like home cooking. The truth is that although everyone is familiar with their mom's home cooking(unless you never had a mother or she's dead or some sh"i"t else) we often find that some of mother's food smells like . That's not to say it doesn't taste good; it might and it might not. Who knows. The point is this: if her vagina smells bad but tastes good then eat until your heart is content disregarding the pungent scent, yet if you find yourself unable to bear the pain of a particularly revolting odor then push that dish to side and move on to the next one.

The Bunny Dec 12 2003 3:14pm FLAG

BITCH GODDESS Dec 15 2003 7:51pm FLAG
aight yeah i have a guestion its kinda gros, but what does it mean if ur mans penis sometimes smell like fish, is it cus of the pre cum?? and also he is not circumsised ( cant spell that). yeah this is talking about stinky vagina not d*cks but sorry i had to askk

dirtydancer Dec 16 2003 9:38pm FLAG
or could it mean hes doing some one else?? help pls

DIRTYDANCER Dec 16 2003 9:39pm FLAG
Maybe we should all shut the heck up and leave things like this alone and use all our energy to worship our creator. Good luck and God bless.

pinkangel777777 Dec 17 2003 11:24pm FLAG
lmfao you guys all like bum sex

gay masturbator NOT Dec 19 2003 1:07am FLAG

asfd Dec 19 2003 1:11am FLAG
Some women's body chemistries just tend to make their stink. It has to do with hormones, monthly cycle, and genetics. If the smell is really bad, like if you finger her and you can't get the stink off of your finger after five washings, it's probably a yeast or giarderella infection. There is prescription medication for this but you have to first get the smelly c*nt to admit there's a problem, and then convince the skank to go to the doctor. It has always apalled me that they don't realize how intense the concentrated venom of their own stink really is!

The Great Brian Dec 24 2003 6:35pm FLAG
well give her a tongue clean-up!who know,maybe the need cunnilings?

clit-liker Dec 26 2003 7:01am FLAG
YOU'RE A -ASS F.AG! FUC|{ YOU B.ITCH! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - WHORE! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - JUICE!!! - - -- - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - YOU'RE A -ASS F.AG! FUC|{ YOU B.ITCH!

everyone here's a F.AG! Dec 26 2003 2:38pm FLAG

YOU Dec 26 2003 2:40pm FLAG

BlTCH Dec 26 2003 2:41pm FLAG

FU!! Dec 26 2003 2:45pm FLAG
Wow.... Are you all high school/ junior high kids? I am assuming so, based on the content of your posts. What hole in the wall do you people attend where they teach you this awful spelling and dreadful grammar? You all have the writing IQ of 2nd graders. Good Lord, I hope none of you ever expect to do anything with your lives. You're so far behind by now that it's hopeless. Welcome to brokeville.

smarter than you Dec 28 2003 10:18am FLAG
Wow.... Are you all high school/ junior high kids? I am assuming so, based on the content of your posts. What hole in the wall do you people attend where they teach you this awful spelling and dreadful grammar? You all have the writing IQ of 2nd graders. Good Lord, I hope none of you ever expect to do anything with your lives. You're so far behind by now that it's hopeless. Welcome to brokeville.

smarter than you Dec 28 2003 10:39am FLAG
Maybe it's really your momma you dumb ass

Mister Jiggles Dec 29 2003 1:46pm FLAG
Jiggle you boobie

LALA Dec 30 2003 6:46pm FLAG

LALA Dec 30 2003 6:46pm FLAG

lLALA Dec 30 2003 6:47pm FLAG

LALA Dec 30 2003 6:47pm FLAG

gfsdagsrfdhgsfhsgfjhsf Dec 30 2003 6:48pm FLAG

khjk Dec 30 2003 6:48pm FLAG
i think some people have mental problems answering nonsense that has nothing to do with the question but i dont have problem with the smell of the instead it turns me on so for the mental retards they die laughing seriously.

jokesyourasses Jan 04 2004 2:29pm FLAG
ppl wit smelly puss ever herd of a dush???daamn

fiineazzbitch Jan 05 2004 6:06pm FLAG

poopee Jan 05 2004 6:16pm FLAG
heyyy my anus poopee

anuslicker009 Jan 05 2004 6:16pm FLAG
my cl*t!!!!!!!!

clitmuncher Jan 05 2004 6:17pm FLAG
hey u guys need to chill

lilady696969696969 Jan 05 2004 6:17pm FLAG
does ne one enjoy ing sum one with a brick tied to their d*ck with dental floss?

kink Jan 05 2004 6:18pm FLAG

sunsurfer394 Jan 05 2004 6:19pm FLAG

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Jan 05 2004 6:22pm FLAG
What the is is thread about? first lauren and SM fight, then they ask eachother 20 mofo questions... whatever, you SOB's need a f'king life... now to the guy with the smelly girl... most of the time a female smell is really coming from the pubic hair, if she has any, ask her to shave, it makes a big difference, or trim it atleast... if the smell is coming FROM INSIDe, then she must have an infection, have her check it out... summers eve is really good for that as well... if it turns out to be the pubic hair, all the smell is, is swet with urine... some girls just tend to rub their c*nt with water and a bit of soap, no, they need to clean it 2 or 3 times if they want it to smell good... taking a shower in the morning and one at night helps a lot too... tell her to use moist wipes after each time she pees... good luck...

Tha?One8phucking7?m? Jan 07 2004 9:25pm FLAG
ok then...

concerned boyfriend Jan 10 2004 5:26pm FLAG
All of you can't spell. Bad c*nt smell is caused by Gardnerella bacteria or an imbalance in the natural flora present in the vaginal environment. It can be caused by antibiotics that kill the "guardian" bacteria in the vagina and allow undesirable strains if candida albicans to flourish. All should have a mild womanly smell that is designed to turn us on, but if it gets real strong and fishy there is a problem. I am not a doctor, just a smart guy who can spell.

Bernardo Jan 14 2004 8:40pm FLAG
you guys are all hella dumb!!!!!!

the great Jan 15 2004 10:26am FLAG
Lets get back to the beatings

beatoffalot Jan 16 2004 7:25pm FLAG
she need my inch blk c*ck

hugeblkmeat Jan 18 2004 11:59am FLAG
You Guys are all weird.. It went from a chicks to a soap opra to some chick needing his in black d*ck

me ok get it? Jan 21 2004 3:29pm FLAG
If a Smelt like Cheese I would like to lick it alot.. Not fish.. thats disturbing

me ok get it? Jan 21 2004 6:56pm FLAG
does taste like it smells and what does womens cum taste like

joshua Jan 31 2004 12:17pm FLAG
I think that was a stupid question for me to ask. I am very new to this eating tastes like and what sperm tastes like as well

joshua Jan 31 2004 12:28pm FLAG
come on you falkers,real men love there gotta get the d*ck wet right?

The MD Feb 03 2004 10:18pm FLAG
I am outraged that cannot be said

The MD Feb 03 2004 10:20pm FLAG
I am outraged that cannot be said

The MD Feb 03 2004 10:23pm FLAG
What do i do when my girlfriend give me a bl*wj*b and wants her eaten out too, but it's so bad that the smell doesn't come off after like 10 hand-washes?

yo Feb 04 2004 3:46pm FLAG
i want a man to take a huge dump on my so i can finaly get that fish smell off its the only way to do it and i need a man to do the job!

Desperate Woman Feb 07 2004 10:14pm FLAG
i want a man to take a huge dump on my so i can finaly get that fish smell off its the only way to do it and i need a man to do the job!

Desperate Woman Feb 07 2004 10:15pm FLAG
hey boys if your sick of your girls that smells like an animal died in it 8 years ago then come down to your local mensroom and suck some big tender c*ck and drink creamy delicious salty cum.c*ck is odorless and tasteless and if you guys wonder why women get so much more pleasure from oral sex than men its because c*ck sucking is the only way to enjoy oral any of you guys who want to try c*ck i guarantee once you boys straight or gay suck on a big hard c*ck you will be addicted and you will never go near a c*nt with your face get down to your local public mensroom who knows i might be in the next line up boys "n" gimme yer goo

CHR 05 Feb 08 2004 2:27pm FLAG
dude..jus because it smells doesnt mean nething bad*i mean common admit it CANT smell like perfume or flowers unless u spray perfume on and if u dO spray it on ur in conceted!

Anonymous Feb 10 2004 12:17pm FLAG
If a girl got stanky ing her nasty ass

?? Feb 13 2004 9:37pm FLAG
her up the pussey more

Anonymous Feb 21 2004 11:34am FLAG
umm my doesnt smell maybe she needs to cleans herself more or something.

forever Mar 16 2004 5:48pm FLAG
all girls DONT smell, there's one right here

goodgirl Apr 01 2004 6:48am FLAG
I want to eat stincky tang

eat ur tang Nov 01 2004 11:08pm FLAG
i would lick it and enjoy it smelly pussies turn me on

john Dec 20 2004 3:49pm FLAG
wipe your ass right

Anonymous Jan 14 2005 3:16pm FLAG
ofrq off

n8 Feb 09 2005 1:38pm FLAG
go yourSLEF

the bastard Kate Feb 13 2005 8:25pm FLAG
you, you stupid curse dictionary censoring device!

* Feb 13 2005 8:26pm FLAG

F.....U.....C....K Feb 13 2005 8:27pm FLAG
Maybe she has a yeast infection YUCK tell her to go to a Doctor Dirty Dirty Bitch. And if you must her tell her to bath with Detol Soap it will disinfect all the germs & at least wont stink us bad LOL. Also try incense in your room but for christ sake dont suck her .

Master. Feb 22 2005 11:07am FLAG
Having said that Ive heard Women say that c*cks stink too LOL. Ive never had this problem but then I shower three times a day. Christ I cant believe this Dirty Bitch she needs a slap.

Master Feb 22 2005 11:10am FLAG
Female Genital Jokes What's worse than a magician pulling a rabbit out of your hat? Having him pull a hare from your snatch. how can you tell if a woman has been screwing an elephant? when she sits on a barstool, she falls to the floor. Why don't guys from Minnesota like girls from same going out with guys from Wisconsin? Have you ever seen a gopher hole when a badger gets through with it? Whats worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper? Being fingered by Captain Hook. Why do female paratroopers wear jockstraps? So they don't whistle on the way down. Why do women have two holes so close together? In case you miss How do you tell if a woman is wearing underwear? Look for dandruff on her shoes Why did God give women legs? Well, think of the mess a snail makes! Panties aren't the best things on earth, but they are next to it. How can you tell if your girl is really ? You slip your hands into her panties, and it feels like a eating oats. What did the woman say after undergoing a C Section? Nothing. She just sat there with a long puss. What instrument is used most often during childbirth? A Beaver Cleaver. A man's wife is his better half, but his mistress is his better hole. Know why men are so smart and women talk too much? 'Cause men have two heads, whereas women have two sets of lips. How can you tell if a ballerina isn't wearing panties? When she does a split and sticks to the floor. The hostess on a certain airline approaches a seated customer and says, "Would you like some of our TWA coffee, sir?" "No thank you, but I would like some of your TWA tea" Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair? Because when the dragged them by the feet, they filled up with dirt. How can you tell if it's way past time for a girl to douche? You spot her odor-eaters crawling up her leg. What is the difference between an Essex girl and a Kit-Kat "You only get four fingers in a Kit-Kat. What is the similarity between a woman and a Kentucky Fried Chicken? By the time you've finished with breast and thighs, all you have is a greasy box to put your bone in. Why is a like a warm toilet seat? They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you. What's the difference between a cl*toris and a Pub? 9 out of 10 men can find a pub. How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid? When you open her legs the lights go on What's the difference between a cl*toris and a remote control? A guy will keep looking for the remote control until he finds it. What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? Both can smell it but can't eat it Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning? Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich? How much hair is in a girl's lap? A box full. Why do women have two sets of lips? So they can piss and moan. What's the difference between a geneaologist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, and a gynecologist looks up the family bush. Why do women have 2 sets of lips? One to argue with and one to apologize with. What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat. Man sidles up to a woman at a party. "I'd like a little ," he confides. "So would I," says the woman, "mine's big as a bucket!" What do ya get when you breed a cat with a rabbit? A hare. What colour is a bee? Black and Yellow. How many wings does a bird have? Two. How many teeth does a cat have? I don't know. That's you're problem: You know a lot about the birds and the bees, but you don't know anything about ... How will you know when you need to replace your woman? Put a finger in each hole, if you can snap your fingers, you need to replace her! If women are made of sugar and spice... Why do they smell like fish? A woman asked her husband to go to the video store and get Scent of a Woman. Her husband came back with a Fish Called Wanda. What's the difference between a golf ball and a cl*toris? A man will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball! What did the blind man say when he entered the fish store? Hello ladies!! How is your grandmother's c*nt like Freddy Kruger? Either one is enough to scare the out of you. How can you spot the woman who douched with vinegar? She's the one with the sour puss. What's the hardest thing about a sex change operation? Inserting the anchovies. Define: Vagina. It's the box a penis comes in. What did Adam say when he woke up next to Eve? "Somethings fishy." What's worse than a crippled skunk on your piano? Having a diseased beaver on your organ. What's hairy and conquered Asia? Genghis C*nt. How can you tell if a woman has a huge twat? Her gynecologist has a United Mine Workers sticker on his office door. What is red and has seven dents? Snow White's cherry. Why do women have two holes so close to each other? So that yu can carry them home like a six pack when they get drunk. What do airplanes and women have in common? C*ckpits! What is the difference between a ship and a woman? A ship cuts thru the water, a woman waters thru her cut. What's the difference between a girl in a bathtub and a girl in a church? A girl in a church has her soul full of hope, a girl in a bathtub has her hole full of soap. What's pink and hairy and sits on a wall? Humpty C*nt Why did they stop letting women swim in the ocean? Because they couldn't get the smell out of the fish! Why can't Mary Kay walk very fast? Her lipstick. Why do skinny girls tease their hair? So their pants don't slide off. Labia majora, n: The curly gates. The man who said "A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush" has been putting his bird into the *wrong* bushes. Why is a joke like a ? Neither is any fun if you don't get it. How is like a road? Both have manholes There's this company that makes a shampoo called "Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific." I hope they don't start making feminine hygiene products. A man in bed with his wife, reading a book. Every so often he reaches over and diddles her cl*t. "I've got a headache, I'm not interested. Quit trying to arouse me!" "Arouse you? Hell, I'm just wetting my finger so I can turn the pages." A young man of upper class took a walk in Soho on a very windy day. As he passed a young woman, the wind caught her skirt and lifted it above her head. The young man: Oh, it's airy, isn't it? The young woman: Yeah, what the hell did you expect? Feathers? A drunk was sitting at a bar when a woman stands behind him and raises her arm really high to get the bartender's attention. She has very hairy armpits. The drunk sees this and yells at the bartender, "Get the ballerina a drink." She gets her drink and goes away. Later she returns and raises her arm again. The drunk sees her and yells to the bartender, "Get the ballerina another drink." She gets her drink and goes away again. The bartender asks the drunk how he knows she is a ballerina when she was a stranger and had never been in the bar before. The drunk replies, "She's got to be a ballerina if she can lift her leg that high." A manufacturer of nylon stockings tried to boost the sales by offering to print any text up on the stockings lining. A girl asked, "Can I have the text 'If you can read this you are too close'?" Salesman replis, "Sure which font and which size?" The girl purrs, "In Braille!" Doris & Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a boarder in their 2 up 2 down terrace house. After a few days a young attractive woman applies for the room and explains that she is a model working in a nearby Manchester studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room for Mondays to Thursdays but would pay for the whole week. Doris shows her the house and they agree to start straight away. "There's just one problem," explains the model, "because of my job I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath?" "That's not a problem," replies Doris, "we have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the living room, in front of the fire, and fill it with hot water." "What about your husband?" asks the model. "Oh he go bowling most weekdays - so he will be out in the evenings," replies Doris. "Good" says the model. "That being settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight." That evening Fred dutifully goes bowling whilst Doris prepares the bath for the model. After stripping off the model steps into the bath and Doris is amazed to see that she has no pubic hair. The model notices Doris's staring eyes, smiles and explains that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimwear or lingerie. Later when Fred returns Doris relates this oddity and he does not believe her. "It's true I tell you," says Doris, "look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself." The next night Fred leaves as usual and Doris prepares the bath for the model. As the model steps ***** into the bath - Doris, standing behind her, looks towards the curtains, and points towards the model. Then she lifts up her skirt and wearing no panties, points to her own pubic hair. Later Fed returns and they retire to bed. "Well do you believe me now?" she asks Fred. "Yes," he replies. "I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show yours?" "Just to show you the difference," answers Doris, "but anyway you've seen mine millions of times!" "Yes," says Fred, "I have... but the rest of my bowling team hadn't!" Back in the `70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, "Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, `Oh, great. Now I`ll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air.` `Why?` says her friend. `Don`t you have a vase?`" They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish. Inside, women are reclining on couches, ***** as jaybirds, with flowers protruding from their vaginas. Hefner and his friend have another laugh and are flirting with the girls when suddenly, from the next room, there is a bloodcurdling shriek! "What was that?" starts Hefner`s friend. "Oh, probably just the umbrella stand..." A man was out walking through the jungle, when he happened to meet Tarzan. The traveler said, "What is your name?" Tarzan responded, "Me Tarzan, Her Jane." The traveler said, "No, what's your whole name?" Tarzan said, "Me Tarzan, Lord Of Jungle." The traveler asked, "What is Jane's hole name?" Tarzan thought for a minute and said, "Jane's hole name--!" A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?" Top 10 Things Men Would Do If They Woke Up and Had a Vagina For a Day 10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers. 9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half. 8. See if they could finally do splits. 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet. 6. Cross their legs without rearranging. 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes... BEFORE closing time. 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first. 3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video. 2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too. 1. Finally find that damned G-spot. A girl at school who gets around quiet a lot, has a rumor about her going around that she has a big well worked sexual tool. One day she finds out about this rumor, and really gets her thinking. So that afternoon when she got home from school she decided to go into the bathroom and see if the rumor was true. She takes the mirror off the wall, places it on the floor and stands over it *****, trying to see exactly how big her female orifice has gotten. While she's doing this her father walks in seeing her all ***** and says "What are you doing?!". "I'm just doing my exercises" the girls says back, while attempting to do some stretches. The father, content with this goes to shut the door and then says, "Well, be careful you don't fall in that big hole in the floor!". A couple is driving through the back roads in the mountains. It is winter, it is cold, and it is snowing. Suddenly, a skunk runs out across the road in front of the car. The husband swerves the car, bouncing the skunk off of one of the tires. The skunk skids off the road into the bushes. The wife goes crazy - "Honey! Honey! You hit the little skunk! Honey! You gotta stop and see if he's okay!" The husband, none too happy, but quite familiar with the consequences of NOT doing what the wife asks, pulls over to the side of the road, and gets out to go check on the little skunk. He finds the skunk in the bushes, stunned but none the worse for wear. He tells his wife, "He's just stunned, he'll be fine in a little while." The wife, getting a bit huffy at this point, whines, "Honeeeey, it's soooo coooold out there, he'll freeze!" The husband, "So whadda you want me to do about it?" The wife whines more demandingly, "Honeeeeyyy! Pick him up and we can take him to the vet in the next town!" So, the husband goes and picks up the skunk, brings it over, and lays it in his wife's lap. He gets in the car and starts driving. After a few minutes, the husband notices that the skunk is laying there shivvering from the cold, and tells his wife, "Honey, if you don't keep him warm, that little guy is gonna freeze before we get to the next town!" The wife, noticing it, asks, "What do you want me to do?" The husband says, "Well, pull your skirt up and put the skunk between your legs, and pull your dress up around him like a little blanket. That will keep him a lot warmer." Shocked at sucha suggestion, the wife snaps back, "Dammit honey, that thing STINKS!" The husband turns and says, "That's all right, just reach down and hold his little nose then..." A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. "Your organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side." Hurt, he replied: "It's not used to playing in cathedrals." The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognise any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullethole he would even tell them what calibre rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument was going on. Then the hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And shot with a .22 rifle." The others could not believe it (he was right of course) and the argument was even hotter than before. When some started to suggest that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again. He would put up all the drinks they had bought before against them buying another round for him. So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the boot of his car. He took a bit longer this time and then said. "Kalahari Lion" and fingering the bullet hole, said "and the rifle was a .308" and he was right again. This of course was like throwing fat on the fire, and he had to prove his skills, over and over again, everytime against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I did not fight anyone in that bar. So where did I get this black eye?" And his wife replied angrily. "From me, of course." "But what did I do?" he asked. She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand down inside my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced in a loud triumphant tone, "Skunk, killed with an axe!" I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning. I received a call from his office that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already. The trip to his office usually took about thirty-five minutes so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do I'm sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in "that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you all do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other place a million miles away from here. I was a little surprised when he said, "My. We have taken a little extra effort this morning haven't we?", but I didn't respond. The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day went as normal, some shopping, cleaning, the evening meal etc. At 8:30 that evening my 18 year old daughter was fixing to go to a school dance, when she called down from the bathroom, "Mum - where's my washcloth?" I called back for her to get another from the cabinet. She called back, "No - I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it". Pierre, Marie, and their six children lived in a log cabin on the edge of a lake in northern Quebec. One day, Pierre decided he had had enough and set out across the lake in his canoe. Seeing this, Marie yelled out to him, "Pierre, what are you doing?" Pierre replied "Woman, I'm leaving you!" Marie hollered "But Pierre, what about our marriage?" Pierre replied "To hell with the marriage. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He kept paddling across the lake. Marie hollered "But Pierre, what about our beautiful cabin?" Pierre replied "To hell with the cabin. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He kept paddling across the lake. Marie hollered "But Pierre, what about our beautiful children?" Pierre replied "To hell with the children. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He kept paddling across the lake. Then Marie hikes up her skirt and hollers, "But Pierre, what about this?" As Pierre slowly turns the canoe around he mumbles, "Someday I'm going to leave that damn woman." Two middle-aged women, Gladys and Mable, are chatting. "Mable, do you think as you get older your fanny actually gets looser?" "Ooh I don't know." replied Mable. "I had sex with my Henry last night and, to be honest, I felt like the outside of a sausage roll!" Gladys looked unconvinced. "Have you tried looking at it?" asked Mable. "Look at it? I don't know, I mean I'm putting the beef on at my age." said Gladys patting her middle-aged pot-belly. "Here's what you do," confided Mable. "Take a mirror from off of the wall and lay it on the floor, then stand astride it and you'll get a good look at your twat." "Hey, that's a good idea!" said Gladys, and trotted off home to try it out. At home, Gladys is standing in the bathroom, mirror on floor and legs akimbo, peering at her twat in the mirror's reflection. Her husband is walking past the doorway when he spots what's going on. He charges into the bathroom and shoves Gladys hard against the wall. "Ooh George! You ing bastard!! You could have broke my bloody arm then!!" she whined. "You ungrateful cow!" George retorted. "If you'd have fallen down that hole you'd have broken your ing back!!" A guy wakes up one morning, and goes downstairs. He says to his wife, "I feel really great today" His wife replies "Yeah, you look great. But you smell awful." Worried, the man takes a shower. At work, he remembers what his wife said earlier, and asks one of his workmates... "I feel great today, but my missus says I smell bad" "Well, tell you the truth, mate... you do smell. But you look great." By now, he's getting a bit more worried so calls into his doctor's surgery that evening, and recites his problem, "Well, doctor, I feel great, people say I look great. But they also say I smell." The doctor thinks, gets out his medical dictionary, looks a few things up, and eventually turns to the man. "I know what you're problem is. You feel great, you look great. But you stink. You're a c*nt." Seven wise men with knowlegde so fine, created a to design. First was a butcher smart with wit, by using a knife he gave it a slit. Second was a carpender strong and bold, by using a hammer and chisel he gave it a hole. Third was a talior tall and thin, by using a piece of red velvet he lined it within. Fourth was a hunter short and stout, by us a piece of fox fur he lined it without. Fifth was a was a fisherman nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell. Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee, touched it and blessed it and said it could pee. Last came a sailor dirty little runt, he sucked it and ed it and called it c*nt. Recently a tour bus full of senior citizens was travelling along an interstate. Suddenly, an elderly woman in the back screamed and jumped out of her seat. The driver pulled over and headed toward the back of the bus. When the driver got to the woman, he asked what was wrong. The woman replied "There's a man trying to molest me!" The driver asked the other passengers, but no one had seen anything. The driver turned to the woman and said, "You must have scared off the man when you screamed." The woman agreed and returned to her seat. The bus driver resumed driving, but a few miles down the road the same woman, again, screamed and jumped out of her seat. Once again, the driver pulled over and headed to the back of the bus. "What's wrong now?" asked the driver. The woman replied, "That man trying to molest me, he's under my seat!" The driver looked under the seat, and sure enough there was an old bald guy. The driver said to the man, "Sir, this woman claims that you were trying to molest her." The man replies, "No, no, no! I'm just looking for my toupee. I thought I had it twice but it got away both times!" Two worms live together on a golf course. The first worm says, "What kind of day is it?" The other worm says, "You know, I don't know, but I was thinking of going up and checking it out." The first worm says, "That's a good idea. Why don't you do that." So the second worm starts on his way up through the dirt. At the same time, two lady golfers are walking along the fairway. The first one says, "Jeez, I gotta wiz." Her friend says, "Well, it's very early. There's nobody else here on the course. Do it right here. Nobody will know." The first lady says, "You think so? Right here?" Her friend says, "Yeah." And she agrees to do it. She pulls down her skivvies, and lifts up her little golf dress and she squats. She's just about to commence when the worm pokes his head up out of the grass right below her. She lets fly, and forget it, he gets drenched. He's dripping wet as he goes back down through the dirt. He goes up to the first worm, and he's soaking wet. The first worm looks at him and says, "Oh, it's raining, huh?" The second worm says, "Not only is it raining, but it's raining so hard the damm birds are building their nests upside-down!" A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees. She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" "Don't worry," he says, "I didn't tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she had the operation done herself." "Who is the third rose from?" she asked "Oh," says the doctor, "that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!" A rural couple had made sacrifices to save money to send their only son to college. Once there, he began to grown long sideburns, a mustache, and a goatee. When his facial hair was luxurious enough to satisfy him, he had his photograph taken and mailed it home with a note that read, "Do you like the photo? Do you think it makes me look like a count?" "You idiot!" His father wrote back. "Here we are spending a fortune on your education and you can't even SPELL!" There's a little old lady standing on the curb at the intersection. She had both hands holdin' her hat on her head while the wind blew her skirt up around her face. A dignified Southern gentleman approached her and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around...being indecent...while both hands hold on to your hat." She said, "Look, everything down there is eighty years old... this hat is brand new!" Charlie's an embalmer, and one day he says to his boss, "There's a problem with Mrs. Whittaker." The boss says, "What's that?" Charlie says, "I was getting her cleaned up when I noticed a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her ." The boss says, "That's impossible. Show me." They go to the table where she's lying, Charlie flips back the sheet, points and says, "See? There's a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her ." The boss takes a closer look and says, "You jerk, that's not a piece of shrimp. That's her cl*t." Charlie says, "Her cl*t? Well, it sure tasted like shrimp." Melissa was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates.. "I know you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so worried about it!" BAD USES FOR YOUR VAGINA 10. Flower vase 9. Fly catcher 8. Homeless shelter 7. Condom test facility 6. Suction cup 5. Rodent trap 4. Nut cracker 3. Army training facility 2. Sperm bank 1. Center for Disease Control branch office Little Johnny Howard had been waiting in a long line to sit on the department store Santa's lap when he finally gets his turn at it and climbs up. Santa say to little Johnny, touching the little boy on the nose with his finger, "I'll bet you'd like a puppy for Christmas." Johnny shakes his head, "No." Santa touches the little Johnny's nose with his finger again, "Well, then I'll bet you'd like a kitten for Christmas." Johnny again shakes his head, "No..." The department store Santa then asked, "Well then, what would you like for Christmas, little boy?" Johnny replies with a big grin, "I want some !!!" Santa, startled and almost speechless, stutters, "Well, I don't have any of that!?!?" Little Johnny, touching Saint Nick on nose, answers back smiling, "Yes you do, because I can smell it on your finger!" A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to have a piss". Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why don't you go behind this hedge". She nods in agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror "My God Mary have you changed your sex!". "No" she replies, "I've changed my mind, I'm having a instead". A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love and she stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes and she let a big fart. She looked up and said, "Excuse please, front hole so happy back hole whistle!" A blonde call girl was being driven to a secluded spot by a client when his car left the road, hit a tree and she was flung through the windshield. She was rushed to the hospital with blood pouring from her head and face. Once at the hospital she clamped her hands to her face and began to scream "I'm blind. I'm blind. Fetch me a doctor quick." A doctor was summoned and quickly deduced that it was the blood from her wounds which were blocking her vision and he tried to reassure her to this effect. She, however, insisted, continuing to shout. "I'm blind 'chris'sake. I'm blind. The doctor pried away her hands from her face and began to wash away the blood from her eyes. When he had removed what he considered enough, he stood back and said "How many fingers do I have up?" The call girl thought for a few seconds then a look of horror spread across her face. "Oh God!" she exclaimed. "I'm paralyzed too!" Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behaviour, Little Johnny said, "I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I'm very proud of that fact." The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?" Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Johnny dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done, there wasn't a trace of chalk dust left on the paper. Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Johnny peeked up underneath her skirt. "No wonder you won!" he exclaimed indignantly, "you've got a Double-Barrel!" One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, he heard his daughter and her date come in, and as he turned to greet them, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried to dig it out but succeeded only in pushing it in deeper. After being informed of the problem, the daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. He told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out! The daughter said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart, Daddy? Guess what he's going to be when he gets older?!" The father replies "From the smell of his fingers -- maybe my son-in-law?!" There were 3 guys, an Australian, a German and an Englishman. All guys were discussing their cars etc. The German says, "I have a jaguar, and i call it '' cause it purrs like a cat." The English man says "Well I have a BMW and i call it Concord, cause it slices the air while it drives." Then the Australian says "Well i've got a Holden, and i call it clitoris" The other two guys look at him and ask why he calls his car that? The Aussie replies, "Because every c*nt has got one!" Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, "Cow For Sale...$5000." He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars." The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this." He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like a woman. Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow with a snatch like a woman, and it's worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you're not worth ." This lady goes to the gynecologist but won't reveal to the receptionist what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor right away. After hours of waiting, her name is called and she's taken to the examination room. The Doctor asks, "Ok my good woman what is your problem?" "Well, she says, my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. I have scrimped and saved every dollar I could to save up $500. I didn't know a safe hiding place, so I stuffed it up my vagina. But now, I can't get it out! The doctor says, "Don't be nervous, I see things like this all the time. He asks her to remove her clothes and sit on the edge of the examination table with her legs apart. As he's putting on his rubber gloves, he glances up at her and asks... "I only have one question. What am I looking for? Bills or loose change?" SON: Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? FATHER: Well son, a vagina before sex is truly a beautiful thing! It is the most wonderful thing God ever created. It is more delicate than a fresh picked rose. It's aroma is more beautiful than the finest of perfumes. It's feel is that of the softest silk. It's taste is that of pure nectar. SON: Wow!! FATHER: Even the words of the greatest poets fail to do justice to it's heavenly wonderment. Man would even sacrifice his own soul for just the mere glimpse of it's pure divinity. SON: It sounds wonderful, Dad. What do they look like after sex? FATHER: Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise? One day while his mother was taking a shower little Johnny saw her ***** for the first time. Johnny: Mommy what is that between your legs? Mother: Thats where your daddy hit me with the Ax she. Johnny: Damn, hit you right in the didn't he!!! A 9th grader grader comes home from his first day of High School and is greeted at the door by his father, "How was you first day of school?" "Pretty good, except all the guys were talking about ?" His father goes to the closet, gets a Hustler magazine, opens it to the centerfold and circles the with a pen. He says, "Son this is a !" "OK... So, what's a c*nt?" His father looks at him and says, "Anything outside of the circle son, anything outside the circle!" A man sitting at a bar leaned over to the woman seated next to him and said "Excuse me, can I smell your ?" "Absolutely not!!" exclaimed the shocked woman. "Oh," replied the man "then that must be your feet." A young man bought a new pair of boots of which he was very proud so he decided to go dancing an give them a try. After dancing with one lady for a few minutes he said, "I bet you I can guess the color of your panties." "O.K.", she replied, "What color do you think they are?" "Blue", he replied. "How did you know that", she asked? "I saw the reflection in my shiney new boots", he said. "Dance with my sister and tell what color she has on", the lady said. After dancing a few minutes the young man started rubbing the toes on his pant cuffs an started to dance again. After a few minutes he asked the lady what color panties do you have on, I can't seem to make them out?" She replied, "I don't have any panties on." With a sign of relief the young man said, "Oh good for a minute I thought I had a crack in my new boots." Paddy, is taking the wife for a night out down the pub. He leaves her sitting at the table while he goes to the bar to get the drinks. While he's away, a man in a long dirty raincoat approaches the wife and says to her (Irish accent applies) "Moind, yer a foine figure of a woman aren't ye" he says. "First, I want to lift yer blouse and take off yer bra with moi teeth." To which she replies "yer doirty, doirty old bugger ye." "Wait, Wait, there's more," he says. "Then, I want to take off your panties and smother yer buttocks with whipped cream and lick it all off." To this, the woman starts screaming for her Paddy. "Wait, wait, there's more" he says again. "Then I want to turn you on your head spread your legs and fill your with lager and drink it through a straw." Just then Paddy returns, big bloke he is as well. And the wife says to him "Paddy, I want you to hit this man several times over the head with a blunt instrument, first," she says "he wants to take my bra off with his teeth." Paddy says, "reet I'll take care of him," and he takes his Jacket off. "Wait!" she says. "There's more, he then wants to smother my buttocks with whipped cream and then lick it all off!" Paddy then starts to role up his sleeves, exposing tattoos all over his arms. "Wait!" she says again. "There's more, he then wants to stand me on my head, fill my with lager and drink it through a straw!" At hearing this, Paddy puts his jacket back on and is quickly making for the door. "Where the are you going?" the wife says. Well," he says, "I'm not fighting any man that can drink that much lager!" A cowboy is riding across the plains of the old west, when he is captured by Indians. The tribe puts him on trial for crimes against the Indian Nation, and he is found guilty. "You have been sentenced to death," said the Chief, "but, as is our custom, you have three wishes to make as your last requests." The cowboy thought for a minute and said, "Well, for my first wish, I'll need my ." "Give him his ," said the Chief. The cowboy whispered something into the s ear, and the took off like a shot across the prairie. 20 minutes later, the returned with a beautiful blonde woman on it's back. The cowboy looked at this, shrugged his shoulders, and helped the young lady off the . He then took her into the woods... "Second wish," said the Chief. "I'll need my again," said the cowboy. "Give him his ," said the Chief. Once again, the cowboy whispered into the 's ear, and once again the rode off over the prairie. 30 minutes later, the returned with a beautiful red-head on it's back. The cowboy looked up and shrugged, helped the young lady off the , and went into the woods... "This is your last wish," said the Chief," make it a good one." "I'll need my ," said the Chief. The cowboy grabbed each side of the 's head and put his face right up to the 's. "Look, it's POSSE, ok, POSSE !!!" The night before my wedding, I called my mama for help. "Mama, I'm not a virgin, but Billy doesn't know that. What can I do?" "Honey, don't worry about it," mama replied. "Lots of women aren't virgins when they're married. It's no big deal these days." "Well, Mama, it's a big deal to me. I want Billy to think he's the first. What can I do?" "OK, sugar, just go to the butcher's, and get yourself a quarter-pound of liver. Before you go to bed, sneak into the bathroom and pu up inside you. After you've done the deed, the blood from the liver will leak out of you, and when Billy sees it, he'll think his name's Buster Cherry." "Thanks, Mama," I said. I went to the butcher shop and got the liver. Just like Mama said to do, I pushed it up inside me before I went to bed with Billy. Well, I tell you, that boy gave it to me so hard and so fierce that I guess I passed out. The next morning, I woke up alone. I looked at Billy's pillow, and there was a note pinned to it. It read: "Darling, After I saw how I had so savagely ravaged your beautiful body in my wanton lust, I have decided I am not fit to remain in your life. I am leaving to join a monastery in Tibet. Love, Billy P.S. Your is in the sink." "Miss Jones, we can't hire you as a model," the editor from the men's magazine explained. "It's obvious that your blonde hair isn't natural, since the hair between your legs is black." The model picked up the magazine editors bowling ball and slammed it down on his fingers. "! What the hell did you do that for!" he exploded. She smiled sweetly and said, "Look at your fingers. They're turning black, right? And they've only been banged once." An extremely fat girl beckons to her boyfriend. "Put your finger in my and wiggle it." He does. "Now put your whole hand in my and shake it." He does. "Okay, now put your other hand in too, and move them around." Once again, he does it. "Okay, now stick both your arms in up to the elbows. Now clap!" The guy says, "I can't!" The fat girl smiles and says, "Tight, huh?" Concerned that her love-life had quieted down somewhat, Miss Lottsabazooma went to the doctor for her checkup. Naturally the first thing he asked her to do was strip off her clothes. Her doctor noted that she was a little overweight. "Why don't you diet?" he said. She looked down and said, "What color do you suggest?" A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she'd just had. "I was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1000 and the tiny ones for $10." Husband: "What about one my size?" Wife: "Didn't get a bid!" Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his wife he'd had a dream too: "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight ones sold for $1000 and the loose ones for $10." Wife: "What about ones like mine?" Husband: "They were cooling beer in one, and throwing empties in the other!" An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead ." The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common." This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" "Sure", he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into." After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician. "Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine." "Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool." "It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian." "Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?" The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month." "There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust." A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it was a tattoo reading, "Keep off the grass." After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn." This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my d*ck is just too damn small," he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused. "Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers... you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor. "Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on American beer!" A lady says to her doctor, "My husband has been complaining that my vagina has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff, and I don't smell anything." The doctor examines her, and then says, "You need an operation." She says, "On my vagina?" He says, "No. On your nose." Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get *****, and start fingering themselves and each other. After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves. The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger. The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the first whore says, "You didn't leave an outline." She says, "Smell the rim." On Christmas Eve a drunken man was waiting for the bus with three Christmas boxes. While there, an old lady at the bus stop was giving him hell for being drunk at Christmas time. The man, finally fed up with the old lady said, "Lady see this box? It's a pair of roller skates for my little girl, which cost me $65. Do you see this box? It's a cowboy outfit with a sheriff's badge and little guns for my little boy, which cost me $65. And in this box is a mink coat for my damn wife. It cost me $6500, and do you know what I am going to get? Three white shirts and a piece of ass, and all 4 are going to be 2 sizes too big!" A young boy went to stay with his grandparents for the weekend. When the time came for a shower, Granny was going to have one, too, so she took the boy with her. Everything was going fine, when the boy looked up and asked, "Grandma, what's that"? To which she replied, "Well, dear, that's my possum". He was happy with that and forgot all about it. When he was at home and had to have a shower, he went in with his mum. Looking up he asked, "What's that?" To which mum replied, "That's my possum, dear". The boy remembered and said, "Grandma's got one of those, but I think hers is dead". Mum asked, "Why is that?" "Because its tongue was hanging out"!! There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar. The guys were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to how women can not take enough pain to get a tattoo. After listening to the guys gloat for a little bit longer, the woman states, "Well, I have a tattoo, too!" The men all look surprised. The woman continues, "I have a tattoo of a cute little grey mouse in a rather private place. Do you want to see my tattoo?" The guys are getting excited as the crowd starts gathering around the woman. Without much ado, the woman stands up, undoes her pants and drops them. She then looks down, looks kind of confused, and gives the men a wimpish smile. One of the men asks, "What is wrong, sweet lady?" The woman, with a big smile on her face, answers, "Oh, nothing, I can't show you my little mouse tattoo after all. My must have eaten it." One morning, the members of a farm family were coming to the kitchen for breakfast. Just as Junior seated himself, his mother told him he was not going to get anything to eat until he went to the barn and fed the animals. Irritated at this, he stomped out the door and headed for the barn. As he fed the chickens, he kicked each one in the head. As the cow bent down to start in on the fresh hay he had just put in the stall, he kicked it in the head. He poured food into the trough for the pigs, and as they started eating, he kicked them in the head. He went back to the kitchen and sat down again. His mother was furious. "I saw what you did, so since you kicked the chickens, you'll get no eggs for breakfast. And since you kicked the cow, you'll get no milk. And no bacon or sausage because you kicked the pigs." Just then, the father came down the stairs and nearly tripped on the family cat. On impulse, he kicked the cat off the stairs. The boy looked at his mother and asked "Are you gonna tell him or should I?" A woman had a pet skunk which was a devoted pet to her for years. One day the skunk died. The woman didn't know what to do at first, as she lived in an apartment and she had no place in the yard to bury her pet. So she decided to give the pet a proper burial out in the country. She didn't have a car, so she planned on taking a bus to the edge of town, then walking from there to some good site. She got on the bus and sat down behind the driver. About this time, the skunk wasn't keeping too well, so the woman held the skunk at arm's length. The driver noticed the smell right away, but he kept on driving for several blocks. He next opened the window, but that didn't help. Finally, he pulled the bus to the curb, and turned around, and said, "Will the woman with the stinking please get off the bus?" women got off. A woman walks into a doctors office and says that she's got a problem 'down below' The doctor asks whats wrong and the woman says 'well I've got 3 vaginas - and its causing me a lot of trouble' The doctor is amazed at this and says, wow - I would love to have three penis' - what can the trouble possibly be? 'Well doc' the woman says 'The problem is that I'm getting ed left, right and centre!' A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top,she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded " What took you so long?" The Doctorm replied, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area." A pregnant woman wearing a very short skirt entered the train and sat in the front of an old man. "You will give birth to a boy," remarked the old man. "Thanks, how do you know that?" asked the woman. "Well, I can see its beard." A mother and daughter walks into a beauty salon for the girls first haircut. Eating a cookie while waiting for the beautician, she is called over next. As the beautician starts cutting around the little girls head, she turns to the girl and says, "Do you know you are getting some hair on your cookie?" The little girl looks up and smiles and replies, "Yeah, and my titties are getting bigger too!" There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. 'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that wire?' 'Well,' the kid drawls, 'this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's chicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!' 'You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!' 'Sure I can!' the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. 'Hey kid!' the farmer yells. 'Where ya goin' with that tape?' 'Well, this here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks!' 'You can't catch ducks with duck tape!' the farmer yells back. 'Sure I can!' the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape. The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick. 'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that stick?' 'Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's a willow.' 'Hang on,' the farmer says, 'I'll get my hat.' A dumb secretary and a smart one were sitting around in the office when a delivery boy brought some flowers to the smart one. The dumb one asked the smart one why she had gotten such a nice present. "My boyfriend and I had a big fight. This is his way of making up for it." She didn't seem overly thrilled by the present, however, to the surprise of her dumb friend, and she added, "Now I'm going to have to spend the next two weeks on my back with my legs up in the air." "Wouldn't it be easier," asked her friend, "just to use a vase?" There was a man who had just gotten married and was spending his wedding night with his new wife in a very posh hotel. It was to be the first time that he had ever had sex with his partner, indeed he had never even seen her . As they were both undressing, he looked up from taking off his socks to notice that she did in fact have very large breasts. He said as much to her, but the poor girl, who had always had a bit of a complex about them, got very distraught. So much so that she sent him, blanket in hand, to go and sleep in the corridor. The man was pretty upset at this, but, not wishing to fuel her anger further, did as he was told. Just as he was getting off to sleep, another man came into the corridor and joined him. The first man asked the second why he was out there, to which the second replied that he was also on his wedding night and had never had the pleasure of seeing his new wife's body before either. When she was undressing, he had complemented her on having a rather large bum. She hadn't been impressed with his comment, and had ordered him to go and sleep in the corridor. It wasn't long before jilted honeymooner number three sulkily sauntered along to join the other two. "What's wrong with you?" Asked the first. "Did you put your foot in it as well?" "No," replied the third, "but I bloody well could have..." Ma and Pa are out having a sit on the front porch one evening, smoking their pipes and rocking in their rocking chairs. Ma turns to Pa and says, "Pa, you got to do something about the outhouse". Pa says, "OK". Next day, Pa goes out to the outhouse and knocks down the spider webs, puts in fresh reading material and toilet paper and sweeps the floor. That evening, Ma and Pa are out rocking again. Ma turns to Pa and says, "Pa, you still got to do something about the outhouse". Pa says, "OK". Next day, Pa goes out and really does over the outhouse: new coat of paint, oil on the door hinges, clean the windows; all that sort of thing. "That ought to do it", he says to himself. That evening, Ma and Pa are out rocking again. Ma turns to Pa and says, "Pa, you still got to do something about the outhouse". Pa turns to Ma and says, "well, suppose you just show me what it is that needs doin'". So Ma leads him out to the outhouse, opens the door and says, "step on in". Pa steps on in. "Now, stick your head down through the hole". Pa does so. "Look to the left". He does. "Look to the right". He does. "Now pull your head out". As Pa pulls his head out, his beard snags on a nail under the seat. "Yeow!" says Pa. Ma says, "Annoying, ain't it?" One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was, and he said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Tarzan check for bees." One night Jerry brought home a dozen roses to his wife. "How lovely, dear," she commented. "What's the occasion?" "I want to make love to you," he said simply. "Not tonight dear. I have a headache." The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and explained that he wanted to make love. "I'm awfully tired, honey," said his wife. "Not tonight." Every night for a week Jerry brought home an elegant gift, but each time his wife's answer was no. Finally he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife. "How adorable, Jerry," she exclaimed. "But what are they for?" "These are six pallbearers for your dead ." There were 2 fishermen out in a boat on a lake. One looks to the other and says, "I saw you with your new wife last night and she sure is gorgeous, I'll bet you love getting that ." The other fisherman replies, "No, I can't her, she has gonorrhea." "Damn man! Well, I bet she gives one hell of a blow job." "No, she can't suck my d*ck because she has pyorrhea." "Damn, well there's always anal sex." "No, I can't her in the ass because she has diarrhea." "Well, what in the hell did you marry the girl for is she has all these problems?" "Because she also has worms and I love to fish!" A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair really smells nice. The woman, in a huff, immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains what had occurred. The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice." The woman replies, "He's a midget!" Two old ladies were chatting one day. They were talking about this and that and the subject finally got around to sex. The first old lady said she enjoyed sex now just as much as ever. The second old lady was surprised and asked her what her secret was. The first old lady said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. When her husband comes into the bedroom, he gets turned on and has his way with her. The second old lady decides to try this approach so that night when she heard her husband coming home, she takes a quick shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. Her husband comes into the bedroom, takes one look and says, "For God's sake Maude, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you're starting to look like an jerk ! Old blind Joe walks into the personnel office at the town sawmill, and approaches Floyd, the manager. "Mornin, Joe, what can we do you for?" asks Floyd. "Well, Floyd, I heard through the grapevine that y'all was needin a new lumber inspector out on the line," says Joe. "Uh, no offense, Joe, but you're blind! How can you be a lumber inspector?" asks Floyd. "Well, Floyd, y'see, I been practicin. I rubs my hand down a board, any board, which gives me a feel of the dimensions. Now, you know, me bein blind and all, my sense of smell is all heightened up real sensitive like, and then I smells my fingers, which tells me what type of wood I'd be inspectin. But don't just let me go on about it; take me out to the line, and I'll show ya that ya can't go wrong by givin me what I'd consider to be real gainful employment," says Joe. "OK, Joe, we'll see what we can do," says the good-natured manager. "Let's go talk to Rafe and the other boys out on the line." They head on out to the production line, where several workers are gathered. "Hey, look, it's Floyd and old blind Joe! What's goin on?" they ask. "Well, Joe says he wants a crack at the inspector's job, and I can't talk him out of tryin to show me he can do it," answers Floyd. "So, what say we send a couple boards down his way, and when he can't say what they are, we'll just be past th

Master Feb 22 2005 11:12am FLAG
i am a woman and i never smell down there and not once have i ever been told that my good enough.ther are many wonderful bath products to use in the tub.!please ladies take the time and wash more often and if you have an infection go to the doctors before your man gets it.

candy Feb 26 2005 7:45pm FLAG
could just be common yeast infection -needs premin cream- not catchey - usally caused by high sugar levels -or diabetes

bob Mar 19 2005 3:02pm FLAG
you all are you mean.. it is hard on girls when the smell.. yall have to understand.

me Apr 08 2005 11:47pm FLAG
you all are you mean.. it is hard on girls when the smell.. yall have to understand.

me Apr 08 2005 11:49pm FLAG
why are you guys so mean to the girls?

justin Apr 09 2005 12:04am FLAG
why are you guys so mean to the girls?

justin Apr 09 2005 12:21am FLAG
I'm allergic to fish anyway, its trimethylamine, from rotting piss. Leave fish alone.

QuimDoctor Apr 13 2005 7:19pm FLAG
something's wrong if your gf smells like fish

D'Shizle May 02 2005 2:52pm FLAG
tell her to was her labia and her pubis hair if it still smells.Then she need the docter.

me Jun 04 2005 3:11pm FLAG

Anonymous Aug 10 2005 8:02pm FLAG
Okay if you don't like girls smell then stop have sex with her you dumb out of it?

Really Pissed Off Lyndsey Bashore Aug 17 2005 8:05pm FLAG
i dumped my girl cos she smelled.i now go out with my mum

mumlover Aug 22 2005 8:51am FLAG
chop off your penis and eat it for tea.thats my solution :) have a nice day

mee Aug 22 2005 8:52am FLAG
lick my smelly fanny

me Sep 20 2005 10:00am FLAG
u guys are all wierd

just me Sep 24 2005 11:12pm FLAG
if you girlfriend really smells that bad then maybe you should dump her but if you really love her why does it care but oyu might wanna get her cheakk out cause she s been around you know what i mean. but you might not waand tell her she stinks it might hurt her mayeb you could just be like i think we should both get cheak just in chase of somethign. but NO MEN should ever beat a girl no matter hoe smelly she is!

tropical Sep 26 2005 6:44pm FLAG
have u every got ur face sittin' on?

1 stunner Oct 17 2005 4:03pm FLAG
this her in her ass

big bone Oct 26 2005 12:20am FLAG
i out of my girls ass,ohhhhh feel so good too.

big bone Oct 26 2005 12:22am FLAG
i like to have my face sittin on

1 stunner Oct 29 2005 5:32pm FLAG
I heard that a girls smell isn't her fault if she washes and still isn't clean it has to do with excess bacteria building up and if she speaks to a doctor they can give her pills to make the smell go away

Anonymous Nov 23 2005 11:25am FLAG
You'll dumbass I have 5 girlfriends an am only and smell

50 CENT Nov 27 2005 6:56pm FLAG
Because I'm a pimp all my girls love me and my girls don't stink

50 CENT Nov 27 2005 7:00pm FLAG

50 CENT Nov 27 2005 7:28pm FLAG
ummm well i dont know dumb sh!t, if my girlfriends vag smelled id break up wit the h0e

s uck m y di ck Dec 03 2005 7:54am FLAG
at it still smells like pee anyway

mfin Jan 16 2006 10:50am FLAG
check it out bottom line THE GIRL NEED TO CLEAN HERSELF BETTER. Also their are some very sick people on this site alot worse than a smelly snatch. if you don't beleive it read what CHR 05 has to say. this guys brain.... well maybe should quit sniffin paint

Anonymous Jan 16 2006 11:07am FLAG
check it out bottom line THE GIRL NEED TO CLEAN HERSELF BETTER. Also their are some very sick people on this site alot worse than a smelly snatch. if you don't beleive it read what CHR 05 has to say. this guys brain.... well maybe should quit sniffin paint

mfin Jan 16 2006 11:08am FLAG
You would not know what her vagina had smelt like if you hadn't ed her!

er Feb 01 2006 2:33pm FLAG
go masterbate with a vacume you vagina

vagina man Feb 01 2006 2:35pm FLAG
stick her hole with some glue.....that might stop the smell....

glue salesman Feb 02 2006 6:44pm FLAG
tell her to use SOAP man,she must be well smelly,ewwwwwwwwwwwww get a new gf coz shes got sum issues

clean Feb 08 2006 4:13pm FLAG
god seriously i would puke if i smelt that smell! and u guys can be offended all u want but that is not my thing!

anonymous Feb 11 2006 3:21am FLAG
if you miss that slimy slit your bound to get your d*ck in

Spiff Feb 11 2006 8:39am FLAG
put a mento in it

spiff Feb 11 2006 8:42am FLAG
Find yourself a really great smelling guy then!

More for the rest of us Mar 02 2006 5:34pm FLAG
w8 till u have a cold, blocked nose. use neutrodol or do it in the shower hahaha

a Mar 06 2006 5:19pm FLAG
If it smell like fish is a good dish, if it smells like cologne leave it alone.

Kendall Candy In 305 Mar 19 2006 7:43am FLAG
Some girls do stink - and it's just cos they dont wash. If you fellaz jerk your weaner in the morning, it honks in the evening - same thing, except womens wearing they pantyhose all day so they are rubbing themselves off all - so it's bound to kick off a real ponger. Women naturally stink there for this reason, but only the ones that done wash. Get your girl to take a shower and wash her gash, or soak in a bath with her legs open a bit. Better still, just use the bone on her. It's un-natural to want to eat down there - it's right next to her ass for f**cks sakes !!!

Matthew Wilkes Mar 20 2006 7:55am FLAG
it smelled like a dam shoe

kevin vaner Apr 29 2006 6:48pm FLAG
i love that smell like fish

kevin vaner Apr 29 2006 6:51pm FLAG
i am gay call me 8795555

mattew wikes Apr 29 2006 6:55pm FLAG
hey should i give him head tonight because we have only been going out 5 days...?

Amanda May 05 2006 3:28pm FLAG
add me on msn if u want to have webcam cyber seriously guys.. (L) peace

Amandaa* May 05 2006 3:29pm FLAG
go smellin slut buyin jerks

ernutt May 20 2006 9:37pm FLAG
hey amanda i think you sould give him head girl!!! I beat he will love it!!!! he was gettin some head!!!!!!!!LOL

big ass Jun 02 2006 9:47pm FLAG
hey 50 CENT call me baby, you sound like you look good i'm only !!! And I promise I will give you some good you will love and it will not stink baby!!!!! 1-(704)-609-3479!I'm waitin' on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Chasity S. aka GOOD BITCH Jun 02 2006 9:54pm FLAG
you can call me too strange man!!!!!! Hell if you are fine just call me and i will give you some head

Chasity S. aka GOOD BITCH Jun 02 2006 10:04pm FLAG
go suck a d*ck ho

homo anonymos Jun 17 2006 9:13pm FLAG

ur mom Jun 17 2006 9:14pm FLAG

Anonymous Jun 24 2006 10:38pm FLAG
what kind of gay a$$ website is this, you people have no lives! fcuk off!

Fcuker Jun 27 2006 3:34pm FLAG
clean your self with vinegar and lemon.

Deniqua 951-492-19 Jun 28 2006 4:42pm FLAG
clean your self with vinegar and lemon.

Deniqua 951-492-19 Jun 28 2006 4:42pm FLAG
clean your self with vinegar and lemon.

Deniqua Jun 28 2006 4:42pm FLAG
Popcorn HEAD!!!!!!!! Just popcorn that me not!

The Biast KKK Leader Jun 30 2006 2:53pm FLAG
love nathan

nathan Jul 21 2006 3:20pm FLAG
nathan mcphillips is the best liker ever

girls gone wild Jul 21 2006 3:21pm FLAG
Why does my penis smell? I dont have a foreskin and I shower every day, I have a lotta sex, and me and my girlfriend have sex like every other day but I clean it alllllllllll the time and it smells fishy but my girl dosn;t smell at all and its really starting to get embarrassing, its been about 6 months its been goin on.

Ty Jul 22 2006 9:17pm FLAG
a female dont always smell cuz they dont take a bath or that there out messing around on you it can be cuz they have low white blood- cells, if your gurl has an odor problem then you should keep it on the low and talk to them about it and tell them sometimes they wont know, but the worse thing that a guy can do is tell everyone that hurts the gurl so bad inside but do talk to them and tell her to go to the doctors cuz she can or might have something but it could also be low white blood- cells so just sit her down and talk to her!

frankie austin Jul 24 2006 12:19pm FLAG
your totally right p.s. chill withthe black cutlines LOL keep it on the low down

xXx Aug 02 2006 4:48pm FLAG
What you do is quit putting the wang in the vagina and start putting it in the anus. That solves the problem of the stinky pinky! And opens up the problem for the stinky brown winky !! GOOD LUCK

The Shermonator Aug 23 2006 9:05pm FLAG
in rules titties bitches

justin Sep 03 2006 6:25pm FLAG
in rules titties bitches

justin Sep 03 2006 6:28pm FLAG
Well uhhh....... hahahhahahaha gross!!!!

Ur Big Toe! Sep 12 2006 10:53pm FLAG
tuna fish nigggaa dat bitch smells like tuna and i know how to get rid of it and i know what it is too. holla if you wanna know why the b*tch smells like tuna..

MUAH Sep 19 2006 5:51pm FLAG
oh and Ty ... i know why ur d*ck smells..

MUAH Sep 19 2006 5:53pm FLAG
dont finger her nasty shyt then!!!! she dont wash her in nasty

ya mamma bitch ass !!! Sep 26 2006 8:42pm FLAG
this s

ya mamma bitch ass Sep 26 2006 8:44pm FLAG
ya'll !!!

ya mamma bitch ass Sep 26 2006 8:45pm FLAG
It would appear that Brendon and Justin are un-educated fools, who need to go back to primary school and learn some manners. I pitty any women who ends up with you two, but then again, you attract what you are. "This one is for the many decent women out there".

BJ Sep 28 2006 5:24am FLAG
Man, I think you ment Julian.......

gazza Sep 28 2006 5:27am FLAG
she probly smells cuz shes on her period,she just needs 2 change her pads more often,and when she gets out of the shower...........den dats just gross neva mind about that

c.m.s rules go crockett Oct 12 2006 4:33pm FLAG
she might have a blader infection, cuz my friend does and she always smells like fish, but thats no reason 2 in beat her up,shes still the same person.

sexy ass gurl Oct 12 2006 4:35pm FLAG
Tell her to douche her vagina most women need to do that once and month after their period anyways it'll take the stench away, then tell her to get some summers eve wash and some feminine deoderant! A douche should solve the problem!!

Tiff Oct 18 2006 6:13pm FLAG
away from it

me Oct 24 2006 8:13pm FLAG
if your girls vag stinks, then why the are you still with her?

Timmy Oct 25 2006 11:16am FLAG
hi Oct 28 2006 10:55am FLAG
Does it smell like a house door off of a tuna boat?

Weeny Nov 01 2006 11:43am FLAG
Maybe put some engine degreaser in it --- let it soak and get after it with a power washer

Weeny Nov 01 2006 11:48am FLAG
Pack that baby full of floor dry

bones Nov 01 2006 11:50am FLAG
desperate woman, I am manufacturing a nice turd right this minute just for you

bigger weeny Nov 01 2006 11:52am FLAG
Has anyone here ever seen a chick blow load out her gap goody

stiff Nov 01 2006 11:54am FLAG
cant beat licking a clean one like my girls...

snake Nov 01 2006 12:11pm FLAG
special offer on for all wonen readers!! 2//06 to 4//06 i will lick any lass's cunny for at least 30 mins for free

snake Nov 01 2006 12:26pm FLAG
Even if I let it go without washing it for 1 wek

Hot slut Nov 01 2006 1:36pm FLAG

snake Nov 01 2006 4:02pm FLAG
y dont u oll grow up

me Nov 14 2006 8:15am FLAG
Well if your girl smells so bad is because maybe she's been used so many times she might be already rotten

angela Dec 20 2006 4:52pm FLAG
pressure wash her snatch! then use ky on her jerk and give her the big one

i gave her the big one Dec 28 2006 11:22am FLAG

my d*ck Jan 25 2007 10:20am FLAG
yah thats right

danielle Jan 28 2007 9:27pm FLAG

CLOSED LEGS Mar 16 2007 7:52pm FLAG
man i have a hot gf and her dnt smell word of advice maybe its more than one penis going in the stinky girls. girls that do use a dush!!!!

James Apr 06 2007 1:18pm FLAG
you all are lame. get a life.

. Apr 21 2007 2:45am FLAG
she must masterbate with eels. Kind of kinky.

cdude Apr 29 2007 10:24pm FLAG
you are lame and your tang probably smells. cdude pobably has a tang and uses eels. lol u suck

erica May 02 2007 10:26am FLAG

cdude May 04 2007 11:37am FLAG

1 stunna May 16 2007 10:44am FLAG
i think d*cks taste good

lala May 22 2007 1:23pm FLAG
anyone wana lik my fresh smelling vagina

kelsey May 22 2007 1:24pm FLAG
Y dose my tang smells like ?YYYYYYYYY?

009dad Jun 18 2007 6:38am FLAG
i think everyone forgot the question............

animekingx Aug 14 2007 1:36am FLAG
wow this is interesting i just have a question why r u guys on this thing? apparently youre looking for answers cuz someone you like has a smell vag. i guess i shouldnt be talking lol.

volleyball babe you likes to fuuukkk! Sep 09 2007 5:31pm FLAG
wow this is interesting i just have a question why r u guys on this thing? apparently youre looking for answers cuz someone you like has a smell vag. i guess i shouldnt be talking lol.

volleyball babe who likes to fuuukkk! Sep 09 2007 5:32pm FLAG
get dush

pet Sep 10 2007 11:08am FLAG
lick my c*ck you mother in her eye

c*ckmaster D Sep 23 2007 11:01pm FLAG
evry body hates your girlfriend

your mother Dec 20 2007 3:35pm FLAG
cmon you motherers

swordfish Dec 20 2007 3:37pm FLAG

me Jan 26 2008 6:36am FLAG
just to let you know your smella a little fishy

brandon Jan 26 2008 6:37am FLAG
make her bined over and put a fish an her

50 cent Jan 26 2008 6:39am FLAG
okay eew ur gf has a infection [sleeping around] pr isnt cleaning her well also try some stuff from a sex store like spencers to put down there and tell her that turns u on gotta be slick about it =] Hope this helps/ P.s most of you guys are jerks and went way off subject.

Dr.Love Feb 21 2008 10:53am FLAG
ha, I have clean =]

my legs=smooth Mar 06 2008 8:44am FLAG
i love to eat smelly puss it taste better that way

jl Mar 10 2008 8:03pm FLAG
U love to eat smelly tang huh

Mylove Mar 13 2008 8:35pm FLAG

ghui Mar 14 2008 9:39am FLAG
smells like fish2 me

juan Apr 07 2008 12:19am FLAG
ya so fukin immature!

damian Apr 09 2008 3:03pm FLAG
your girl just needs some summers eve a friend of mine has the same problem

allie Apr 15 2008 2:27am FLAG
women stink because the have a vaginal discharge and need to take a shower 2 times dayly dushing macks it worse and then they will have an infection the best thing to do is go to a doctor and let them know what is going on

michelle May 20 2008 4:31pm FLAG
man If your that concerned take her to a doctors and find out none of us can really tell you what to do but if you love her take her in.

Spider Jun 09 2008 3:18am FLAG
I agree with the ppl above me...She might just have an infection. I had a friend that had an odor and she went to the doctor and hey gave her pills and it went away.

Ms. Bumble Bee Jun 29 2008 9:55pm FLAG
some of you people really have to get a life and if you want to chat go to a chat room. people are trying to get help here. people who do have a life so have some respect

erica Jul 11 2008 9:52am FLAG

DONNIE KINMAN Jul 19 2008 11:53am FLAG

MITCH FARLEY Jul 19 2008 8:13pm FLAG
my exwife I will call mo had this problem and thougt I was talking junk to her please let me know if she can do anything about this problem

misses mo Oct 22 2008 8:03am FLAG
u people r weirddddddd

what Oct 29 2008 1:55am FLAG
HULK SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HULK Nov 03 2008 5:35am FLAG
im the metal man

IRON MAN Nov 03 2008 5:36am FLAG

SPIDER MAN Nov 03 2008 5:37am FLAG
ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HULK MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DEMON HULK Nov 03 2008 5:38am FLAG

DEMON HULK Nov 03 2008 5:43am FLAG

NONEYABIZNEZZ Dec 10 2008 12:55pm FLAG

NONEYABIZNEZZ Dec 10 2008 12:59pm FLAG
wash yuorself

k Dec 23 2008 6:20am FLAG
well, i know its really difficult to remove that smell. i would advice you to use a shower gel n its works. put some cream n wa again.thanks n dnt worry it happens

someone Dec 23 2008 6:22am FLAG
If it smells like fish, do what you wish. If it smells like cologne, LEAVE IT ALONE!

Eddie Jan 14 2009 10:38pm FLAG
yeah just have a sensual soapy wash together and take pleasure in washing her fishy oyster shmoo.

johnny be good May 06 2009 4:09am FLAG
just dip a toothbrush in dove soap and gently scrape those fishy flakes from her folds. go inside too and scrub any fishy slime lurking up in there.then top with a sprigg of mint.enjoy.

bono May 06 2009 4:14am FLAG
i like cheesey vaginas not fishy ones

rattis May 06 2009 4:16am FLAG
d*ck poo wee ass penis bum boobs vagina

oyster May 06 2009 4:18am FLAG
ing faggot

brandon May 06 2009 4:19am FLAG
just stick a whole cache of soap inside and leave it there

neate May 06 2009 4:21am FLAG

bonerdud Jun 05 2009 1:02am FLAG
s are hot i say

lax Dec 22 2009 2:11pm FLAG
i love ***** girls

coolmzx Dec 22 2009 2:12pm FLAG
i think like sometimes she should let it breath like go 2 sleep w. nun on....thats wht i do every night nd during the day of course have something on...mines stay freshh n of course shower...dnt make ur gf feel sad...try telling her in a nice way

PrettyGirl =) Feb 03 2010 3:56am FLAG
i hart pussies

pussie lover Jul 26 2010 5:06pm FLAG
WTF. Ya'know...just tell her eat natural sweet food like grapes err something along those lines. Also..tell her to lay off the candy and soda.This is an actually known fact. Jesus what the is up with you guys.

YOU Feb 03 2011 8:35pm FLAG

WTF Apr 27 2011 6:04pm FLAG
Haha ya mad dum i swear . Well if sge smellz like or well fish den sge might have a type of infection trust me my sister had dat abd she had to get that checked out nd it came out to be a urin infection . So go check it out cause if she DOES have an infectiob yu can catch it

Similar girl May 15 2011 5:02am FLAG
Im sorry i wrote some word wrong they mean sge:she and abd:and

Similar girl May 15 2011 5:05am FLAG
its called washing it the right waay, she must have some type of inffection if it still stinks! my be stinking sometimes but thats why u hope in the shower! then it smells yummy :)

Nice girl Jun 28 2011 7:39am FLAG
Just tell her to blow you.

robd Feb 07 2012 7:44pm FLAG
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