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Start dating at 40

Question: To start with, what I mean by start dating is not like after 20 years as most would experience. When I was a teenager I was very shy skinny and full of zits. I literally found it impossible to get a date. as I got older, I started to look better and my shyness gradually subsided. But I ended up building my career and taking care of my elderly parents. So now here I am at 40. I feel normal at every sense of the word. I have a good income, nice property . I always flirt witht he pretty girls. But then it dawns on me, then I have never dated in my life. I am at a time in my life that I would like to go beyond flirting and ask her out. Id like to share my life with someone. But I`m 40 and have literally no dating skills, let alone any intimacy skills. So as I approach the dating world for the first time, what would you suggest?
Created by: brian2007 at 12:13:16 AM, Friday, May 25, 2007 PDT


I know being the site that this is, I will get some crackpot answers. But hey I am open to all views. And hopefully there will be some helpful suggestions. It would be easier if I were gay, but I`m not. I`m about as straight as you can be, but because of my early shyness, career, family responsibilities. I never felt I could really reach out.

Brian2007May 25 2007 7:23am

I am on the same boat as you bro, but I blame it on todays women. Unless you have model looks and/or have alot of money, your chances are slim or none.

AnonymousMay 25 2007 7:53am
40 yrs old and no children?? Never dated??
Women your age will be way out of your league and will expect way to much. Any relationship will be doomed from the start! I know thats not what you want to hear
So for what its worth, here is my two cents. Maybe you ought to try for someone 15 to 20 yrs younger, who like you is just discovering their own sexuality, or someone 20 yrs older who is not into sex and just wants a companion.
I still can`t understand how you got yourself where you are, but you can get yourself out of it. It will be a little rocky at times, but with determination you can do it.
Good luck to you!


LisaMay 25 2007 8:27am
Blame it on the parents. They should never make you feel obligated to care for them --- THAT IN ITSELF is a form of child abuse. Think of all those years you wasted.

random thoughtsMay 25 2007 8:44am
Its no comment until I see your pic pal!

SimonMay 25 2007 7:03pm
#0006 - (Fri.) 5/25/07

UpdateMay 25 2007 8:53pm
So you`re tellin us you are a real 40 year old virgin? Come on Bri, you`ve been livin in a hole? sorree I just aint gonna fall for that one guy!

honkytonk manMay 26 2007 5:00pm
Just keep your spirits up and know that love can happen at any age. 40 is young, so chin up kid and feel that youth inside of you. She is out there

AnonymousMay 28 2007 9:52pm
Middle aged man and you never had even a dinner date??? gawd Kill yourself and find a hot hooker to do it

AnonymousMay 29 2007 8:05am
I cant take this thread seriously this has got to be a joke.

AnonymousMay 29 2007 8:01pm
#0011 - (Wed.) 5/30/07

UpdateMay 29 2007 10:44pm
...what if you get stricken with cancer tomorrow. think of all those years you waisted.

I wouldnt want to b u palJun 01 2007 8:25am
Brian2007, you are not alone. My situation is almost identical to yours.

Mr. 40 Year Old Virgin in NYCJun 02 2007 7:33pm
It always starts with the woman. Lets faace it, if she is interested in you, the most likely thing to do is to slip you her number.So then, my question is...has any woman ever dropped you her number? If the answer is zero, then the problem is with you and no one else

playerJun 03 2007 12:09am
Just fake it. Act confident and you can fool most women. Even if you can't many of women are just desparate for a single guy and are willing to tolerate "quirks" in your personality.

ThomasJun 04 2007 1:19pm
Brian dont let this prevent you from seeking happiness. We all have circumstances that are beyond our control, hence most women would understand.

blue manJun 05 2007 6:44am
Dating means nothing and is overrated. So you havent dated....big fcking deal! Experience?? If she really is a human being, she will value you for being you! Realize this is your time now and go out and find someone!

DaveJun 05 2007 8:16pm
According to most of the women on this site, in a couple of years all men will be castrated and obselete don't worry about it, you just started early.

JethroJun 07 2007 1:46pm
make yourself as irresistable as possible so she cant keep her hands off you. Find a strong dominant woman who wants to be on top so that she makes the moves and you dont need to know nothing and just follow. lots of bondage societies online, check em out

AnonymousJun 08 2007 6:47am
of course if you arent into the strong dominant type, get an escourt or just grin and bear it.

AnonymousJun 08 2007 6:50am
but if you are into role reversals, you have no worries

AnonymousJun 08 2007 6:56am
Hey theres plenty of 40 year old guys not getting any... it's called being married.

HotsteppaJun 08 2007 2:03pm
think of the poor 40 yr old blokes who were forced to get married at 17 and now theyre stuck with a nagging wife and 5 kids. you were smart doing it the way you did it. armed with money, wisdom and education you can actually find somebody that you really want. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat

married manJun 10 2007 6:27am
#0046 - (Mon.) 8/13/07

UpdateAug 13 2007 1:59pm
#0025 - (Mon.) 8/13/07

Update - Correction aboveAug 13 2007 2:09pm
Yes. it is a good time to start dating. That is if you do it now and stop contemplating.Go to the local bar or take a singles cruise.

AnonymousJun 16 2008 4:52am
I'm 57. I started dating at 18 and I have had many girlfriends and booty calls since then but dating is just like bike riding. Once you learn, you never forget and then you will be on your way and with the background you described, you may even have the girls chasing you BUT WATCH OUT FOR THE GOLDDIGGERS!!!

AnonymousMar 01 2009 3:55pm
I totally agree with comment #4 (Blame it on the parents). Kids do not bring parents into the world. Parents bring kids into the world. Therefore, parents are OBLIGATED to raise their kids until age 18 or age 21 (depending on location) and they are REQURED BY LAW to finance the raising of their kids until those kids reach the legal age of majority. Their kids are NOT obligated and NOT required to care for their parents. This attitude of "well, I provided for you back then which means you can provide for me now" is UTTERLY INSANE!!!

AnonymousMar 30 2009 10:39am
In high school, girls have the upper hand especially because of their malicious behavior toward many boys who, at that age, are emotionally unprepared to defend themselves against malicious attacks perpetrated by ruthless adolescent females. However, in the real adult world, THE TABLES ARE TURNED!!! In the real adult world, GUYS HAVE THE UPPER HAND!!! And the ladies know that. A 40-year-old man who has never dated still has THE PICK OF THE LITTER while a 40-year-old woman who has never dated will most likely be preparing to reside in CATSville on SPINSTER LANE!!! A 40-year-old woman who has never dated has much more to worry about than a 40-year-old man who has never dated and I am sure everyone knows why but just in case some don't, here is why: A 40-year-old woman is approaching the end of her childbearing years (most of her eggs have already dropped) while a 40-year-old man is just like a Duracell battery. HE KEEPS GOING. AND GOING. AND GOING!!! The well-prepared creator of this poll needs to realize how fortunate he is to have so many enjoyable, productive years ahead of him and to put behind what he may have missed out on. Everyone misses out on something.

A guy in his late 50's who is JUST LIKE A DURACELL BATTERY!!!Mar 30 2009 11:09am
I dont want to sound cold hearted. I know you love your parents, but you need to move as far away as possible.They lived their life and you cant get yours started. How unfair is that?

AnonymousJun 11 2009 6:09am
Looking for a date is just like looking for a job. You have to present yourself in the most favorable light during that "interview." But unlike the traditional job interview, it cuts both ways here. She has to present herself in the most favorable light as well. On that first date, you will be "interviewing" her as well as she will be "interviewing" you. You are in the same position to "deny her the job" as she is to "deny you the job." Don't believe for even one minute that she has the sole decision making power in this effort, especially considering your highly polished credentials that you outlined above.

AnonymousAug 23 2009 12:14pm
It seems that many if not most women today are totally unreliable due to all of their text messaging and all of their talking on cellphones and all of their postings on MySpace and YouTube and CraigsList to all of their countless numbers of casual acquaintances and friends. Who needs such women? certainly not you, op!!! Such women have no time for a genuine committed relationship which makes it harder for guys who want to be in a committed relationship. How many women do you see during the course of your day always talking on their cellphones? FAR TOO MANY!!! There is going to come a time when many of those ladies will regret it after they realize that all of their eggs have dropped. And then, that will be their problem, not yours. In my opinion, guys are better off remaining FREE AGENTS!!!

AnonymousAug 23 2009 12:34pm
Well, its never too late. My best friend just got married at 45. Howeever, it sounds to me that you relationship with your family has crippled you. This may sound harsh, but there will never be any hope unless you break ties with your family

AnonymousMay 04 2010 11:36am
Well, its never too late. My best friend just got married at 45. Howeever, it sounds to me that you relationship with your family has crippled you. This may sound harsh, but there will never be any hope unless you break ties with your family

AnonymousMay 04 2010 11:37am
Well, its never too late. My best friend just got married at 45. Howeever, it sounds to me that you relationship with your family has crippled you. This may sound harsh, but there will never be any hope unless you break ties with your family

AnonymousMay 04 2010 11:37am
Well, its never too late. My best friend just got married at 45. Howeever, it sounds to me that you relationship with your family has crippled you. This may sound harsh, but there will never be any hope unless you break ties with your family

AnonymousMay 04 2010 11:38am
huh....what woman is going want to date a 40 YR OLD VIRGIN????? The OP has far more serious issues than skin blemishes and family problems ok?! My brother comitted suicide 5 yrs ago. I was molested by my cousin when I was 12. Filed for bankruptcy 4 times.I AM NOT THOUGH A 40 YR OLD VIRGIN!!! The op must not even function as a human being!

BradMay 05 2010 7:48pm
Ummm, well here's my situation. Not that far from yours. I have dated but not a lot and I am bi-sexual, you may be as well but don't open that door until you are ready. I have intemacy and experience issues with the ladies and to be direct ladies are more demanding to date than other guys. I would like to have a bf/gf relationship that has all the sweetness that you see on T.V. just to say I did, but the relm of females is very tangled. I think I will hire an escort or hooker and give it a wet run. It may be just fun...and nothing else and from what I've heard many girls in the dating scene these days are no cleaner than a hooker anyway. In the long run I'll probably be with a guy and that might just get rid of the pesky family for you and me.

Closet doorJul 22 2010 11:19am
Hey, Brad I wouldn't brag about being butt f*cked at 12 and then diss somebody who has had a bad life in a different way. Unless you liked it...hahaha

Bad BastardJul 22 2010 3:31pm
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sLunuHeLmpyCOct 23 2013 7:32am
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pUuTlIixLNYdTFDzvSJul 18 2014 8:37pm
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